Songy Type Thing by jer

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Songy Type Thing dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	jer
ASL Info:	29/M/Detroit
Elite Ratio:	5.08 - 283/238/34
Words:	203

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	358
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1303

Description:
The third and final installment of my "poems on random scraps" series.

This is fairly old, but I wrote this for a person that I was sleeping with that apparently wanted more, while she was in the bathroom at a restaurant. I ultimately read it to her in that restaurant at the end of the night. Later, I set it to some folky guitar music... but, it doesn't improve with music. It is what it is... and that isn't high-art, but it's not bad as cheesy '80s cock-rock.

Songy Type Thing dots

-------------------------------------------

it's too damn bad,
i don't really care what you want
makes you so mad
your opinions just don't count
and i'll be glad
when you get this through your head
i don't really care about you

i'm above you, and you've never looked better
no time for small talk, don't want to hear about the weather
it's time you realize, it doesn't matter what you say
i'm only here for one thing anyways

it's so damned pathetic, the way you just give it up
but keep going baby, cause i just can't get enough
don't bother talking, i don't want to hear your mouth
this has gone on so long, haven't you figured it out

you aren't my girlfriend, you never will be
but don't get mad, there's no need for you to leave
you gave it up to quickly for me to take you seriously
so when we're done, you know i have to leave

no respect for yourself, the speed that you put out
so how can i respect you, when you can't ever go without
we could have been something good
but you've never been able to wait as long as you should

slut

Submitted on 2005-05-13 22:04:19 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hrmm, I'm not usually big on defending what I write... per se... but I think I need to clear up some misconceptions. Lemme go in reverse chronological order here.

1) First, this is pretty abysmally old. I would hazard a guess that I was in my early/mid 20s when this happened. I wouldn't say I'm mature now, and this was far from the height of my maturity.

2) This wasn't written on a date. This was written on about attempt number infinity to end the sexual relationship. It wasn't taking, and this poem was born. Do I think that excuses it? No, not particularly. Would I do it again today? Nah, most likely not. Am I apologetic about it? I've made my amends already. I'm comfortable with the situation now. :)

3) Do I have a double standard? Certainly. Is this an example of that double standard? Nope.

Read again. I'm saying, she's not GF material, because putting out right off makes it a sexual, not emotional/intellectual relationship in my mind. She wanted more than I was able/willing to give, under the circumstances. When I'm looking at a long term relationship, I don't put out right away, because I know how it is percieved.

Actually, I don't have sex with anyone that I don't think is a long term prospect anymore... which is why it's been quite some time. Quite some time indeed.

I am absurdly happy that it got so much emotion stirring though.... sweet. :)

Oh, and I'm not offended, hurt, or otherwise miffed in any way... thank you all for your comments.
| Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  This was well put together...But you're cold as ice mate. What a [censored] cruel thing to do. What were you doing in a bloody restaurant with her anyway? Do you feel like the big man because you can shag the vulnerable? You're 28 years old mate, yer a grown man. Beggers belief really.

If there's no horse's heads in the bed or a Bunny in the pot, then the least you can do is let someone down easy.

It's not big and it's not clever. I'll keep going on deadndreaming's reccomendation, but that one was just offensive.
| Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Sanny | [ Reply to This ]
  Ouch...man that's harsh...I understand your reasoning here, but I'll have to say I can't agree with your philosophy...but whatever floats your boat.

I can't believe you read it to her at the end of your date, that's a little on the "high and mighty" side, don't ya think? But anyway..I aint gonna judge, I've said some harsh things in my day.
"you gave it up to quickly for me to take you seriously" Oh come on...you gotta be kidding. If I feel like I want to have sex on the first date, I do...and it really doesn't have much to do with With whether or not I want to pursue a relationship afterwards.
So what I get from this is that the fact that SHE gave it up on the first date means she's not girlfriend material...well, YOU gave it up too...so what does that make you?

anyway...I could hear this as a song. It'd be kinda funny...like the "double standard" of dumb-ass guys...

Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sure it's one of those subconscious things.
Peace,
Marianne
| Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
  you mean old bastrd you! now how come it's okay for you to give it up, but not her? I just have to give you sht about this one. it's just not fair. y'all want it but when you get it, you expected to have to work for it or wait for it or who the hell knows! I do like the way you just spoke what you felt but still, and I know some people are slow and just don't get it, but you need to put yourself in other peoples' shoes, so to speak. all of us have feelings. but I'm not here to critique your personality, am I? other than the theme of this, which you already know my feelings on, the rhythm seems a bit off in places and you could tighten that up maybe, if you want to improve it. and you know, the things you dislike in others are usually the things you dislike in yourself. you know I like you, but sometimes your attitude really pisses me off. sorry.
| Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  I am stunned.

And intrigued...and for some reason, very drawn to this piece...

My initial reaction was along of the lines of 'this is rather venomous'....but as I re-read it, it lost that almost violent 'sting'...and became just a statement..not a hissing, passionate argument-type rant. Just a simple explanation of the facts. Cards on the table, so to speak...

Just a few suggestions I thought I'd make:

"when you get this through your head
i don't really care about you" - it felt to me as though the emotion would be stronger if you separate than last line into two, so it looks like this:
"i dont really care
about you"

"i'm only here for one thing anyways" - Id take off the 's' at the end of 'anyways', makes a stronger rhyme link with the previous line

In the penultimate stanza, you repeat 'leave' in lines 2 and 4 - maybe think of changing the 'leave' in line 2 to 'grieve'?

Anyway. Just some thoughts - feel free to disregard them if you're not really looking for people to 'nitpick' at this poem

All in all, I leave with confused feelings on this post....I cannot for the life of me decide whether its incredibly rude, or just incredible....

All the best,

Katia
| Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.