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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Us Two?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hammyj
    ASL Info:    21/m/Notts UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 130/81/21
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 883
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 676



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUs Two?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I live in sub-standardization!
    I've struggled through retribution!
    I've had to use improvisation!
    I'm used to alienation!
    I'm a victim of exploitation!
    I'm a subject of fascination!
    I have'nt got a direction!
    I have no education!

    Do you live in deep depression?
    Have you struggled through desperation?
    Have you had to use intuition?
    Are you used to the rejection?
    Are you a victim of humiliation?
    Are you a subject of infatuation?
    Have you got an addiction?
    Have you no consideration?

    Do you feel we have a connection?




    Submitted on 2005-05-13 22:34:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      a definate 8 yeses for me as well...I liked this one, maybe not as much as some of your other stuff but it was still good. I think what I didn't like, and it might have meant something to you or been intended to some effect that I didn't get, but I didn't like the exlamatoin points at the end of the beginning lines, it just seemed a bit too much of a point. but again even this write shows that you have sooo much talent.
    keep writing,
    --jess--
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      8 yes's my friend...indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed...this was lovely and I love the style, I think that WhisperShout was right about the whole Adam Sandler thing...but I think that it is great that you were able to make all those words work with what you were saying.awesomeness yo.
    Peace My Friend
    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like Adam Sandler-I want to read this with a cajun accent... ray-tri-beyoo-shone, des-pair-ay-shone...
    I'm not sure if you are exploring the use of the same word endings, or if you are afraid of something not rhyming. If it is the first, then good for you. If its the second, then shame on your for not taking a risk!
    I can't decide if I like it or not, which is okay. I don't have to like it if it makes me think, which this does. Keep 'em coming.
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by WhisperShout | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58767

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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