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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Evanescent by the Seadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tears of Azrael
    ASL Info:    14/F/Lost
    Elite Ratio:    5.47 - 107/102/25
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1210
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1340



    Description:
       Ok, so I find this poem has confused people. I suggest you first read the poem itself then refer back to this description if you're confused. Its meaning is:


    I hid my sad, sorry heart, all but discarded of sin--
    Tormented, black, broken, and hungover.
    -The result of a broken heart

    I'd wished to see the stars bleed on my misery,
    And share it with those I'd chosen to mortify
    -The stars-bleeding-on-misery is that since they can supposedly grant wishes, they'd also weep at despair, and the narrator would like for them to emphasize that despair on the other broken-hearted people

    Faces were blurred in my distant memories.
    I left it as so; I don't want to remember
    Those times when darkness spread like disease,
    Frozen in the folds of a late December...
    -Like how that song goes--"I know what it's like when memories make you wince / And love letters read like obituaries..." (Demonology and Heartache, Atreyu) Remembering all the times you had with that significant one hurts now that he/she has left...I used December because that's when the heartache started building up for me.

    And as the gossamer wavelets come in,
    Striking the shore with cumming lust to kill.
    Warring depths held vanity within,
    That entertained the dead, who watched the vaudeville.
    -The dead aren't really dead--they're the broken-hearted people (this is what this poem is about!)...they find war and vanity and sin and whatnot entertaining...weird, I know, but heartache does weird things to you.

    So enamoured in glazed views of censored regret,
    That once broke me, but I will not speak of again,
    And so deeply scarred that I would never dare forget,
    As long as I dwell in the oblivion of the reign of man.
    -Regret for ever having loved..and so the narrator would never mention again because it hurts so much, but because of that same reason--because of the scars left--it's impossible to forget as long as she is alive.

    I left these messages etched along the shoreline,
    Carved into the sand with the preciseness of a knife.
    -The shoreline is paper, and the knife used to carve the messages is the pen--thus poetry! Messages of broken-hearts are most usually expressed in poetry, hence those two lines.

    For those who are neglected warmth from sunshine,
    And recall the whispers in the waves, once denied the pleasure of life.
    -Those who are broken-hearted would decipher the messages, and the "denied pleasure of life" is love.

    The wavelets represent love itself (which is why the narrator is walking along the shore) and its intentions change in both stanzas because love has various sides to it. I find oceanic themes to be perfect for broken hearts.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvanescent by the Seadots
    -------------------------------------------


    And as the gossamer wavelets come in,
    Gliding over the shore like a spiteful lover,
    I hid my sad, sorry heart, all but discarded of sin--
    Tormented, black, broken, and hungover.
    The rocks lay jagged, almost puncturing the sky.
    I'd wished to see the stars bleed on my misery,
    And share it with those I'd chosen to mortify
    From the sea that sang of malaise, low and off-key.
    Faces were blurred in my distant memories.
    I left it as so; I don't want to remember
    Those times when darkness spread like disease,
    Frozen in the folds of a late December...

    And as the gossamer wavelets come in,
    Striking the shore with cumming lust to kill.
    Warring depths held vanity within,
    That entertained the dead, who watched the vaudeville.
    So enamoured in glazed views of censored regret,
    That once broke me, but I will not speak of again,
    And so deeply scarred that I would never dare forget,
    As long as I dwell in the oblivion of the reign of man.
    I left these messages etched along the shoreline,
    Carved into the sand with the preciseness of a knife.
    For those who are neglected warmth from sunshine,
    And recall the whispers in the waves, once denied the pleasure of life.




    Submitted on 2005-05-14 15:22:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Congratulations, you have written a beautiful poem. I love the language. Its poignant and just communicates so much. I seriously can't see a single thing you need to change. All I want to add is that I loved it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      hey azarel! thanks for letting me know that you'd clarified - after rereading and checking out your description i've found it a lot clearer. i still think that some of your lines are still a little out-there; probably the kind of thing that made sense in your own head. I just think that you shouldn't need to explain things from your life that made you choose to say something. other than a few little things, though, i've found the rest of the poem a lot more meaningful. perhaps that's because i had my heart broken today -- ouch. thus, i can relate to your eloquently expressed emotions. great job, as usual. anything else you're fond of that you'd like me to read? -Jinx
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by jinx | [ Reply to This ]
      you asked me to read this, so i did, but unfortunately, i was a little confused. I found your diction somewhat overwhelming- although i feel that no one should hold back what they're capable of so that the slow people can understand, i'm concerned that many people won't understand what you're trying to say. i pride myself on having an extensive vocabulary, but i didn't understand half the words, thus i worry that as clever as your writing may be, people wont bother to read this because it's too confusing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by jinx | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. The language seems a bit much, I had a little trouble trying to understand the message. I like the way you had the differing rhymes within each stanza, and the same beginning line. I think these were my favorite lines...the emotions seem so easy to understand and recognize, so familiar...

    Faces were blurred in my distant memories.
    I left it as so; I don't want to remember
    Those times when darkness spread like disease
    ... ...

    So enamoured in glazed views of censored regret,
    That once broke me, but I will not speak of again,
    And so deeply scarred that I would never dare forget

    I really think you did a good job with this.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by LonelyorLost | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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