Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Irredeemabledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 812
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 982



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIrredeemabledots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the space between our lying mouths
    Reality slips in, unbidden
    Reasons once thought securely entrenched in morality
    Escape noisily through gaping holes
    Dug hastily with fevered hands
    Erasing painstakingly plotted
    Exit strategies
    Maybe this was all a rouse
    A clever plan concocted by the cosmos
    Brought on by underestimation and
    Lesser offenses made by the majority of humanity
    Exaggerating the concept of poetic [in]justice




    Submitted on 2005-05-14 21:33:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved this. It would be an excellent free verse, even without...damn, I'm blanking on the style. You know what I mean. It just sort of turns the tables, and then you know what you did, what happened, whatever...you can't take it back. This was probably a pointless comment. Oh well.

    Mel
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      you make me wanna cry. i can so relate just about now. dammit, since I can't write anything that can capture my feelings, you surely can. and before it even happens! it's like you're psycho..no..psychic (must beware of grammar police). The lines go from long to short to long once again, which I thought was neat.
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by Lee Minsu | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch, this one is painful to me. The karmic mirror of a user, having lies looking back at you. This is insightful and gutsy,
    and well written. I think I would use a comma after "reasons"
    and maybe even change "thought" to "believed"

    reasons, once believed
    securely "tethered" to morality {instead of entrenched?}

    though entrenched seems quite engulfing!

    That was the only line I could see anything different for, overall, very well done. Thanks for sharing.
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58888

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry