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Author: Scribbles1338
ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169 /167 /37
Words: 247
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 556
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1522


This is about my parents...overachievers. Nothing I do has ever been sufficient...and Ican't take it anymore. The more I succeed, the bigger a failure I seem to be in their eyes...



I always tried to love you
And I know that you do care,
But I just cannot be perfect
So how can you even dare?
You’ve told me that I’ve failed you,
And ignored me as I cried,
You never even noticed
All the times that I have tried.

But everything I’ve done so far
Just hasn’t been enough.
And no matter how hard I tried
You were always just too tough.
I used to want to please you
But now I’ve realized
That my life’s in my own hands now,
So don’t act so surprised.

No matter what I do for you
I know will not suffice.
Since nothing’s ever good enough
For your heart that’s cold as ice.
These memories can’t hurt me
And I can’t say a word,
Because no matter what I say
I know I won’t be heard.

You tell me that I’m foolish,
And you say I’m not too smart,
But have you ever considered
That you’re piercing my heart?
I never shall be perfect,
And I will not pretend,
But I won’t say I’m sorry
Until you understand.

I don’t do this to spite you,
And I do hear what you say.
I used to wish that I could change
And no longer be this way.
But I am who I am now
And there’s little you can do.
Although I am not perfect,
At least I won’t end up like you.

Submitted on 2005-05-14 22:52:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I've just read your poem and it would be rude not to comment. Please do not think me unduly harsh for saying what I think. You have thoughtsa nd feelings here which are of a fairly personal nature. I'm not sure if we are the appropriate audience. Possibly to say these things directly to your parents might be better. Most parents do a mediocre job of bringing up children, because you see, they haven't done it before and they have to make their mistakes with the first crop of children they have. Most people are in one way or another stuffed up by their childhood, BUT and it is a very big BUT, your parenst only have high expectations of you because they care for you. Unfortunately some parents try to fulfill their own dreams in their children and that is wrong.

You use a type of rhyme which is very heavy. If I might demostrate what I mean.
Rhyming couplets (heaviest)
Alternate rhyme
Rhyme words monosyllables.
Lines endstopped with punctuation marks.
Rhyming word stressed.
Rhymes perfect rhymes.

Occasional rhyme (lightest)
Irregular rhyme scheme.
Rhyming words polysyllables.
Lines run on (unpunctuated)
Half rhymes and eye rhymes.

If you consider the above factors your rhyme is about eight and a half out of 10 on a scale of weight. This sort of rhyme is most appropriate for doggerel, ballads and humorous verse. It is not suitable as a vehicle for the sad or bitter thoughts you have to suggest.

Solution: Use your love of rhyme to write a ballad on a non personal topic and have a chat with your mum and your dad separately about your concerns.
| Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem very much. Not only the concept but also how wonderfully you used rhyme
(I have much respect for people who can go beyond the cat sat on a mat-I cant :P)

It also hits close to home parents are sorta the same..always expecting me to be an A plus student blah blah.. but when I started neglectin school and all that, I thought, well theres no point cos if I fail, its me who will get more annoyed, and so I started doing things cos I wanted to and this is exactly what i get from your poem-
I love you, but stop trying to make me feel bad for who I am cos Im not PERFECT...
it seems to represent everything I felt through high school... and I love how you ended it..
ure an awesome writr! goin onto my faves.
thanks for the read, cheers.
| Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]

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