Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: soliloquydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 991



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssoliloquydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to tell everyone. I want to talk to them about everything. And at the same time, it's so much easier not to think about it all.

    And that's exactly what I don't want to be-- numb. So what do I do with the pain? You would think that it could be like a heavy load; sharing some of the burden would make it easier for me, even if everyone just took a little piece, a handful. But that doesn't leave me any closer to finding the truth, or happiness. And it leaves everyone else with a handful more.

    So I'll smile and ignore it from the time I push off the covers and crawl out of bed, and I'll keep it away as long as I can. And when the night gets darker and everyone is asleep and I'm left alone, it'll hurt. Until I fall asleep, and wake up, and push off the covers, and repeat it over and over again. And then maybe-- once I've done it a hundred, a thousand, a million times-- then maybe it'll get easier.




    Submitted on 2005-05-15 01:24:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      MixedE,

    You know this could be a whole lot punchier with some heavy punctuation and paragraphing changes. I'd really go to town on this with my cut and paste tool.

    I actually found it hard to kind of read, There is so much chopping and changing here in the mind which is not reflected in the punctuation. Bugger it - here's my reworking.

    I want to tell everyone. I want to talk to them about everything.

    And at the same time, it's so much easier not to think about it all.

    And that's exactly what I don't want to be- numb. So what do I do with the pain?

    You think that it could be like a heavy load; sharing some of the burden would make it easier, even if everyone just took a little piece, a handful.

    But that doesn't leave me any closer to finding the truth, or happiness.

    It just leaves everyone else with a handful more.

    So I'll smile and ignore it from the time I push off the covers and crawl out of bed, and I'll keep it away as long as I can. When the night gets darker and everyone is asleep and I'm left alone, then it'll hurt. Until I fall asleep, and wake up, and push off the covers, and repeat it over and over again.

    And then, maybe- once I've done it a hundred, a thousand, a million times- then, maybe it'll get easier.

    Alright, s.hit maybe i went a bit overboard. I deleted a few words and rearranged stuff - hope you don't mind. There was just so much subtle tweaking it seemed easier to do it this way.

    Anyway, the feel of the whole piece made me feel like turning into knots. Doubling back and over on myself. The ending though is so incredibly sad and pessimistic though. Just remember this ain't Springfield, Marge Simpson is not a new-age sage and smiling is not always the answer.

    So dream it down.

    Abzy
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Abzy | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel your pain wen i read this. You do a good job of describing the repetitiveness of everyday daily life. Sumtimes i feel like u do, like mayb if u jsut keep on with everything in time, it shall fall easier. But sadly, i dont think it will, but isnt writing powerful tool at times like this. I just wish I cud write a prose study. They are the quite interesting writes.
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by freak_like_me | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    58907

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry