This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Infinite Fear


Author: Eagle
ASL Info:    20, M, Australia
Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 22 /48 /18
Words: 77
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1130
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 558



Description:


Ok then. Firstly, this was inspired by the fact that i got Super dead sheep for 2 months away, but i've been away for about a year and nothing... That's what prompted me to do this.

Anyway, something special to note, the beggining pf each line. Notice the pattern?


A
A
S

A
A
S

T
T
S

T
T
S

A
S
T
S


Note that the last stanza is to summarise the rest of the poem and follows the arrangement of the beginning letters :)

Enough said, enjoy :)


Infinite Fear



A cool breeze blows by,
Alone,
Stranded on the infinite hill of hatred and fear.

A soul,
A lone soul,
Stands solid as steel to steel.

This lone soul,
Tried and tested by the elements of hate,
Succumbs to the increasing pressure of hate and fear.

The soul,
The lone soul,
Struggles to comprehend the meaning.

A meaning that is life,
Silence prevailed,
Tried and tested,
Struggling to breathe just another breath…




Submitted on 2005-05-15 03:42:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  "This lone soul,
Tried and tested by the elements of hate,
Succumbs to the increasing pressure of hate and fear."

Wel, you call attention to the beginning of your lines in the form. I like nonce forms. It shows that you have considered the peice, listened to it, and found some internal logic, a wholeness to it. The above quoted stanza, though, seems out of place to me. It feels like the 'soul' is just being readjusted one too many times. Formally, I would suggest making your third stanza tie back into the wind of the first stanza. Then the form becomes bigger and more incorporate.

1: AAS: About the Wind
2: AAS: About the Soul in relation to the wind.
1: TTS: About the change in the Wind
2: TTS: About the change in the Soul

Do you see where I'm going with this formally?

These are just my thoughts on how to make the form you worked out more prevelant in the piece... call and answer...

ASTS: Resolution or at least a coming together of Wind and Soul.

Have you ever read any books on letters and what each letter means? Each letter has meaning and conotations from when it was a pictogram and a concept, not a letter of the alphabet. Those meanings still carry over. You might want to look at a book called "The Mysteries of the Alphabet." by Mark-Alain Ouaknin.
A is primal Energy... like the wind.
S is about grinding or shooting,,, emoting or bringing experience.
T is about bringing together...

It's fascinating stuff.
| Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



58912