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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ambitiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nwproud
    ASL Info:    27 / vancouver, wa
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 280/243/64
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1037
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1204



    Description:
       ive been reading walt whitman, he is very inspiring...whether that has anything or not to do with this piece, I dont know, but just thought Id share...thank you for your comments.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsambitiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Breathing for potential,
    and the image in my heart,
    ideas to make the change
    this world has never seen.
    No advertisement needed,
    not this time around,
    the voice I require
    is heard in the words I write.
    The meaning, however,
    is found only in audience,
    the mind's of listeners...
    uneager, ill persuaded to ask.
    The stage which I requre,
    to exaggerate my pointless point,
    is only a blank sheet of paper,
    and a pen not yet expired.
    The potential I ask, and you seek,
    unequal, true, but not unfamiliar.

    Choose to be curious,
    and let the curious be thougtful.

    If the credentials I present,
    few and, yes, unrecognized,
    are too unique for your taste,
    leave.
    I have no desire to share with you,
    nor have I a question in mind for you,
    so leave.
    The poetry of this day,
    the ideas of this age,
    are dreams of refinement,
    and nightmares of ambition,
    but I am seeking a path apart...
    I write for my heart and mind,
    though how will you read it?






    Submitted on 2005-05-15 15:52:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey Nwpeoud

    Nice poem ;0) I must say that I really enjoyed reading it. The flow and the style are nice, you have really chosen your words carefully and have something on your heart. I must say that you could clean the poem for some of the small errors and make it even better.. Nice poem ;0)

    Keep writing ;0)

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      This is hard core stuff here. Very mature, I'd think i was reading something from a very seasoned author. Like out of some textbook in a library or something. I like the confidence and confiction being expressed here.:

    No advertisement needed,
    not this time around,
    the voice I require
    is heard in the words I write.

    It's like you know where your giong and what you're doing. Very sure and certain about who you are it's like you've got complete control over your voice and style.

    The last stanza's like "If you're not feeling me than $%!@# you" or something like that but more poetical spoken.

    The meaning, however,
    is found only in audience,
    the mind's of listeners...
    uneager, ill persuaded to ask.

    This part I don't get. How can the meaning be found in an audience that is uneager and ill persuaded to ask? Seems to me like this section would match better if it spoke about how only an elite few of listeners can truley "hear" that voice in the words you write, while a far greater number may never understand.

    Choose to be curious,
    and let the curious be thougtful

    This is like a speed bump on a highway. I say ditch it and let the flow of this piece be as strong throughout as the message itself. Ofcourse maybe if i understood what you meant i'd think differantly. I know that you will explain this whole thing to me when you get a chance.

    Overal though, of all the poems i've read from you i think this one really reflects creative strength, and growth.

    SPoken
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm. I can imagine you reading this poem in a very monotone, serious, unemotional, determined voice. Not the typical poem, but I like it. It gets straight to the point, and the deepness of your feelings is evident. Very nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by Yclipse | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm.. this 1 makes the audiance think... Although I'm aware th@ was exactly what u were after. Nicely done. 1 problem, however... the middle and conclusion of ur poem is unclear. What (other than the fact th@ the ppl who are going to be any sort of obstacle in ur path of solitarily achieved sucess need to get away from you) is the ending message? Are you trying to further express th@ you don't need any further obstacles or ignorant bystanders on your path 2 w/e u r currently working 2wards? U may want to better express th@ point. Otherwise, nicely done ttyl
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by Aprie Chick | [ Reply to This ]


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