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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Natural Occurencesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freak_like_me
    ASL Info:    18/female/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    4.79 - 111/109/41
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 293
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1259



    Description:
       I dont know exactly how i came up with this, wen i writ one bit the rest sort of came. But i read ovr it and i think for a first time in writing prose it was ok but i need u all to help me with this one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNatural Occurencesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Good evening, please be active to open and read into the depths of psychology..."

    Says Master Smith

    The day outside was pretty. Roses climbed on the courtyard walls whilst primroses and daisies reflected against the hot sun with their tall green stalks and smily faces. Gemma was in awe in spring. It was a time of the year she considered a matter of beauty.

    "Gemma, please state for me how memories for a psychological patient can be distorted"

    Everything outside suddenly turned dark and ugly. Heavy drops of rainfall drowned out the beauty of this crisp morning. Dark masks of grey clouded the sky as traces of blue became erased. Gemma failed to smile.

    "I have no idea, only nature is corrupt to me Master, but I feel my memories are distorted by those spectral raindrops because like gang afta gley, best laid schemes often go wrong, and in my inevitable unfortunate event, this wonderful spring day has went terribly wrong..."

    The class of 95' turned in silence, confused and almost laughing at the given answer, but Master Smith merely replied..

    "You couldn't have give a better answer Gemma..."




    Submitted on 2005-05-15 17:50:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh this was very very interesting...jeezes marsh... :D I love this really... your first time at writing prose?? this is a brilliant first write! I absolutely adore how this started off with a wonderful warm description of spring, and just as I found myself enjoying the vivid images, you strike with the exact opposite! :P
    And this character of Gemma is very intriguing indeed...I like how this everchanging way of nature is linked with memory distortion..
    a little nitpick- 'scalded out ' I dont think this is appropriate tho, only cos scalded means burnt by something really hot, but I dont want it to be replaced because it gives a lovely hot spring breeze..lol..so maybe 'almost scalded'? the out seems a bit out of place is all.

    I can't state anything else about this except that the one thing you did wrong was leave me dumbfounded at the end wanting more. Can't explain it. You wrote in such a way I'm left wanting to know who Gemma is, how she came to be there and so on...
    I definitely think you have a way with prose. Please keep experimenting with it!
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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