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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Truest of Purestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PookiezBookie
    ASL Info:    16/f/az
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 103/129/49
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Misc/Passion
    Total Views: 1110
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 455



    Description:
       this is just something that i thought iwould write to bring my "other" to tears because after being so true to not only to him but to myself. i was cheated out of love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTruest of Purestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    time seems to fade when it is just you and i. with no one else in mind i just look into your eyes and slip into the present feeling of bliss. blindly we walk into a state where we are longer alone. We will constantly be lead into temptation and spoken to by the serpents who wish to decieve us. let us not fail, but succeed and overcome the shadows that wish to cast their darkness on our love. we will not be let down by sorrows but brought up by defeat.




    Submitted on 2005-05-15 19:37:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this piece, but i think it was overall to vauge,,, from my expierence to make someone cry you need to add specific instance or fragments of memories of that person...and then your thoughts or metaphors about them. that really adds a lot to a piece. you started to get into an image with the serpents and if you would have gone ahead to elaborate on that, even the colors of the serpants, there sharp tounges, slanted eyes, bad intentions, anything here would have made the piece so much more powerful.

    thanks for the write

    *wendy lee
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      After the fourth sentence it sounds like a prayer. It seems full of faith and hope. I don't know why it would bring anyone to tears. It needs capital letters at the start of every sentence, but I'm sure you probably knew that anyways. I like your photo very much. Cute pose.
    | Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
      let us not fail, but succeed and overcome the shadows that wish to cast their darkness on our love. we will not be let down by sorrows but brought up by defeat.

    I loved that part the best, so much meanning and truth. I'm gonna have to put this as one of my fav's. This is a real, real good poem. I feel every word of it. Good job as always, I can always read your poems and tell that you write from the heart. Love it,every word.
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]


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    59020

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