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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Momentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deadlydarkdevil
    Elite Ratio:    5.35 - 241/173/40
    Words: 384
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 512
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2450



    Description:
       Lyrics, tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Momentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    All it takes is just a moment
    A moment of your time
    oh baby just a moment
    To say that you'll be mine

    I"ve loved you all my lifetime
    I'll love you for all time
    But baby won't you tell me
    That always you'll be mine

    Because we've been through stuff
    But still it's not enough
    Not the life of memories
    Nor the days so tough
    I"ve loved you always
    Darling don't you see
    I'm the one for you
    And baby, you're the one for me

    And it will be, a wonderful day on the morrow
    You'll see you won't know any sorrow
    Our lifetime shall be so grand
    Just don't runa away to hide in the sand
    And then it will be, a wonderful day every morrow

    we've been together for so long
    But to me it all seems oh so wrong
    Cuz baby friend's not what we're meant to be
    I wanna hear that you love me, just please don't lie to me
    Say that you'll love me for all time
    Say that you love me, just please don't lie to me
    Say that you'll love me and be mine

    And it will be, a wonderful day on the morrow
    I'll see you won't know any sorrow
    Cuz baby lovers is what we should be
    To face all the days, to face all the sorrow
    To make sure that we're both there until tomorrow

    Because we've been through stuff
    But still it's not enough
    Not the life of memories
    Nor the days so tough
    I"ve loved you always
    Darling don't you see
    I'm the one for you
    And baby, you're the one for me

    And it will be, a wonderful day every morrow
    We'll see we won't know any sorrow
    Cuz baby lovers is what we shall be
    Together at last, not like in the past
    Cause I love you, and now you said you love me too!

    Because we've been through stuff,
    we know it's not enough
    We'll make new memories,
    no days will be that tough
    I"ve loved you always,
    darling now you see
    i'm the one for you,
    and baby you're the one for me

    (oh i'm the one for you....yeah, you're the one for me)




    Submitted on 2004-04-06 13:27:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the rhythm is all off and it needs cleaned up-does seem more like song lyrics-lots of repetition-not that there's anything wrong with that, but it can be overdone. I like this poem, but it needs some work. this is constructive criticism and I am not putting it down. It just needs revision, like most of mine do! keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      You asked for a suggestion on the lines I critiqued....I got it!!!!
    AS IS:
    Our lifetime shall be so grand
    Just don't runa away to hide in the sand
    NEW:
    Our lifetime shall be so grand
    Place on your finger this golden band

    Oh i dont know!
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Great! *Claps* Very good....Is it meant to be a slow song? That was how I heard it in my head...a slow song. Great write...very good.
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Excuse my typos.....Played IT on the fast side.....and TWO lines I think can be......
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic song lyrics...I like, I like! What tempo for the music? I kinda played in on the fast side in my head.

    Let me tell you though, there are too lines I think can be better:

    Our lifetime shall be so grand
    Just don't run away to hide in the sand

    maybe a small change?????
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      old comments. just so i don't have to keep two of the same poem posted:

    Linaire: Hm.. nice rhyming.. Well, I like the love that you showed here between the two people. There's not much I can comment on this one

    Jaycee: I could almost hear a melody floating through this...well maybe not floating since it was more of a rock melody...Not bad

    MusingMinstrel: this is a good song. My only suggestions would be to omit the "baby" in the lyrics. When singing them it's fine, but i'm not feeling it too much in the lyrics. Also, with the line " Because we've been through stuff,we know it's not enough" I'd consider rewoding it because right now it seems vague. All that aside, nice heartfelt lyrics.
    ~minstrel~

    MusingMinstrel(to my reply): by omitting, i just think that the "baby"s and the word "stuff" should be left out or reworded with some different words. For me, i just feel that "baby" is a weak word and "stuff" is too vague. Then again, if it works with the melody go for it.
    ~minstrel~
    | Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by deadlydarkdevil | [ Reply to This ]



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