Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wallsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 645
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1001



    Description:
       im not really sure if i like this but i wanna see what everyone thinks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWallsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I always cried when I thought
    Of the day you had no choice but to die
    I sat there watching you slip away
    Heard the measured breaths that you took
    and i built walls

    The pain is much to real
    Reality is to hard to deal
    As I run and hide
    Close myself off block out the world
    As i built my walls high and strong

    Suffer in my personal hell
    Die in guilt of not saving you
    As with every gaze I see your face
    But I am alone forever because your gone
    And i build my walls high

    The pain worsens
    And the walls get higher
    With every reminder of you
    I recede further into the darkness
    as i build walls

    If you tried to teach me that
    Pain is apart of reality
    Than let me imprison myself
    Behind the brick walls surrounding my heart
    And you keep what reality has to offer.



    sweet_rayne




    Submitted on 2005-05-16 02:00:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is a very moving piece, I can relate to it. Did you write it about a real event?As frozen flame said, I can't seem to get enough of your writing, its so expressive. Call it an addiction if you will, but to a drug called art. You are a very good writer
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      This isn't too bad! I have to admit, I think you are getting better since you first starting to post here (amazing how that happens, isn't it? I like this...keep it!
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      bam, another fave. i can't seem to get enough of your writing. don't know why. but i can't. hmmm, maybe it's because you're so damn good. listen, you told me you were revising it, and i'll be honest, i like it the other way. but this one seems to hit me more. oh well. i especially like this stanza

    "If you tried to teach me that
    Pain is apart of reality
    Than let me imprison myself
    Behind the brick walls surrounding my heart
    And you keep what reality has to offer."

    sticks with ya. keep up the good work kid. love ya
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    59078

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry