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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Flower of Glassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vedanta19
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 503/510/143
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1067
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2116



    Description:
       I wrote this in wee-hours of morning. The words came to me from somewhere. Immediately wrote it. It's about calmness, peace. I do not know why i compared it to 'a flower made of glass'. But i couldn't think of any other object.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFlower of Glassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This calmness,
    like
    a sigh
    touches the tall, thorny fig tree,
    on a early winter afternoon,
    a rare tulip somewhere,
    frozen, still lovely;

    The sun seems to shine,
    with a new halo,
    as
    a fabric of designed with frills of felt;

    This moment very much
    mysterious
    sails delicately,
    as
    a pearl-winged angel,
    that floats - a whisper on the cottony cloud;

    Once soft velvety grass,
    sometimes
    a bed of green in summer,
    sometimes
    streaked yellow in spring,
    Now
    coated with vaccum-filled snow,

    sometimes
    assuming a form,
    as
    the seasons so very clockwise,
    - defined;

    sometimes
    formless,
    as,
    a lotus-filled old lake,
    ignored, perfumeless
    - a time long gone by;

    Yet

    soulful -
    as
    a untuned flute
    with it's own melody,
    a new song
    - not sung;

    submissive -
    as
    a old heart filled
    with new waves of love;

    nostalgic -
    as
    a wind of childhood
    once playful
    on sands of a forgotten shore;

    reflective -
    as
    a mirror of memory
    mostly hurtful,
    sometimes bringing joy;

    hidden -
    as
    a bandaged scar from
    a deep hurt;

    lonesome -
    as
    a love trail
    broken
    mid way;

    comforting -
    as
    the cold crazy moon
    with many faces,
    always
    guiding though;

    faithless -
    as
    a stiff autocrate
    at
    the holy pew;

    meaningless -
    as
    the story of rainbow
    with a pot of wealth;

    thought-provoking -
    as
    a rusted coin
    with
    two sides,
    opposites
    still
    one;

    Mostly -

    like
    a flower made of glass.




    Submitted on 2005-05-16 02:34:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm naming this a favorite, though I am divided on my opinion of this poem as a whole.

    Why would I say such a thing? Well, because the first few strophes are SO amazing, and spoke so clearly to me that I knew almost immediately this was a favorite. As I continued to read, I found the potency was a bit diluted about the point where you say

    Yet

    And though I offer up this double-edged comment, I don't feel the second half of the poem was BAD, per se, it just didn't quite have the same power as the first section.

    Ah, I hate being ambiguous or leaving this kind of jaded compliment, but that's my honest assessment of this piece, and I live and die by my honesty.

    I love this poem and I'll keep it and hope you'll one day revisit it and if you do, please drop me a line and let me know. I'll help in any way that I can . . .

    This is a rare, beautiful gem!
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the imagery of the piece, although I felt you could have done better on some of the spacing and the isolation of 'as', 'at', etc seemed unnecessary as it detracted from other parts of the stanza and gave the flow a herky jerky sensation at times. There were also points where I would have reassessed the breaks in some 'sentences'.

    Overall I think this is a moderately good piece. Strong on imagery, somewhat weaker on flow structure (I don't really care about metre and what not, but flow is important). I encourage you to keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by homeless | [ Reply to This ]
      Altho long this was an easy flowing read. your imagery again and creativity is exceptional, as you listed all the atributes one after the other. I felt as if I was walking through that grass down the path you were taking me. Really lovely! Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      This peom is extremely cute and is so beautiful with its vivid portrayal in many detail. Takes you away. You can picture this all in your head and I bet with a universal sighting. Again, really great work. I'll definetally be reading your others after this one!
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Lauren Guzman | [ Reply to This ]
      this was amazing. the flow was great andi loved the set up even though it made it long. great topic and i loved the last line. lia
    | Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      It started as a story slowly trailing leaving beautiful footprints of memorie and wonder of natureportraying love. at first i did not like the way it trailed but, i read it agian and it gave it a tone... After the word yet, it turned more broken. However this worked too. the way you selected the words to describe it in a new way. I liked it overall!
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! It seems that today is a good day for poetry on Elite. Awesome write! I know why you entitled it "a flower made of glass". It's the only way you could have named this, it fits the poem perfectly. The flower stands as a symbol for love, I think you know this. A glass flower is frozen love, void of feelings, beauty almighty, the feminine eternal. This poem is about a state of mind that many women are trying to achieve but most fail. If you did it at such an early age it means that you are very powerful. But beware! The road ahead is now tampered with the danger of absolute dryness. You must not let your soul loose itself in this cold desert that lyes ahead.
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice from start to finish great imagery put out on paper of all the wonders of nature
    great write and geat read
    thanx fo sharing
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful and breathtaking. About halfway through I forgot what you were talking about but in a good way...does that make sense? lol I really enjoyed this and was lost in your words...keep up the good work...nice to see a positive poem, don't see too many.
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by pyrestarter | [ Reply to This ]
      i didnt look as to what kind of feedback u was looking for,...it popped in my head for some...
    i apologize
    for my thoughts well...
    im envious of the sense of
    cool

    wes all toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      the record skipped,but like i did.youre talent is different than mine,maybe in a better way i suspect.comparisians are remarkable here.topic moved me not,but am always seaking what youre protraying
    strung out it was for me a bit but other than that
    cool

    wes all toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      Good words that came to your mind that morning. But I am curious to know what you did the night before. The phrase 'a untuned flute' seems unfit to me...
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by Saaber | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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