He treats you as a street, on which he stomps his feet.
his casualty in sense.
Walk along this well known path and you'll hear lost souls crying out for love.
Wonder these streets, to far out of reach, you're reaching for his affection.
Decisions you made once, just may haunt you as this one does.
You've surrendered yourself, now you're heart is trapped as a prisioner in a cell.
You're feeling so alone, another alienated being seaking love in return.
Another broken wing. Another lost love. Another lonely night. Another weeping dove.
| I like this, but you need to do some revision, correct your spelling and tighten it up. try to use some other words for street in the other places you have used the same word. I would try making stanzas. I especially like the last four lines. I would say that is the best part of this poem right now. good job.||| Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ] || IT wasn't too bad. The first two stanzas really set me off though, cause they were really cliché' but the ending fixed it up a bit.||| Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ] || I really liked the message and the choice of words was excelent. though I think you should give a discription in every poem, even if its clear to everyone and if its brief.||| Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by JR Hoodlum | [ Reply to This ] || Great poem. I like it. I definitely like the dove subject. lol. you might like some of my work...check it out if you get the chance! Again, good write.||| Posted on 2004-04-06 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ] |