Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: SHE MELTEDdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AfricanPrincess
    ASL Info:    21/F/SA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 222/201/31
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1157
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       Consoling my aunt as she cries, mourning the loss of the love of her life.
    Any comments would be greatly appreciated",)
    Thankzzzzzzzzzz


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSHE MELTEDdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She melted
    in my arms

    And all I could do
    was hold her
    close
    console her
    While tears stumbled down
    her cheeks
    tracing her lines of sorrow

    She melted
    as she told me how much
    she loved him
    "He was a good man"
    "The alcohol changed him"
    "What will my son do without a father"
    was all i could hear
    As I caught her
    steaming
    rolling
    tears

    Words left me stranded
    As i held her close
    to my chest
    to my heart
    Her melting soul
    poured into me
    And all i did was
    cry and
    cry

    Together we cried
    As I lulled her by my side
    Thinking of the love
    she lost
    The pain she feels
    The hurt thats taken
    control

    On my chest
    Her head lie
    And all I could do
    was hold her
    As she melted





    Submitted on 2005-05-16 08:53:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very well done! Bravo!

    It is deeply touching in its images and flow.

    I am drug into the story with just a hint of what happened. This focuses on the feelings. I think great poetry does that.

    Good job!

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this peice. Hits very close to home, I can easily relate. I love how you used the word melted, it brings up such good descrption. Makes it more vivid and also very dramatic. Fantastic work, keep it up :)

    -Miss M.
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was tragic and beautiful. A true testament to your aunt's sorrow and your compassion. It was touching and well-written. I love the title and it's repetition through-out the piece. Thanks for sharing and best wishes to your aunt.

    drowning_queen
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, this so captures a tragic, shared grief. (I mean too many people go thru this) And what can you do? Just hold her & cry. This is really powerful. Even the structure visually reminds me of tears falling. Simple and true & beautiful
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad and all my deep thoughts and deep sorrow for your aunt. You did great and your poem carrys a clear message and it is perfect.
    Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. I love the whole thing, but the last line was my favorite, it fit so perfectly. I cant relate but it was written so well that I almost felt both of your pain. I cried, thats how you know its good. I think thats what good poetry does...it touches people. Its so sad...how easy it is to hurt somebody and to be hurt. I really hope everything works out. I hear it gets better eventually.

    *nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Lost Sheep really said everything I wanted to say...great minds think alike. I loved this piece. It was painful, but very loving (as pain usually is) I enjoyed it very very much. Be well
    ~Rachel~
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one a lot. It's amazing how many poems are written about romance, romantic love and breakups and how few are written about other kinds of love. There are two kinds of love here; the love of a woman for now departed (deceased?) husband and, closer to us, the love of a friend. The love of a friend that can't "fix" the situation, but can merely hold her and cry with her.

    Great work,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      this was soooooo incredibly sad!

    (sigh)

    i wonder if there has EVER been a man placed on this earth that HASNT made a woman cry...i doubt it. oh, if only they knew how easy it is to break our hearts...

    nice poem, but really really sad!
    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    59097

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry