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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mea culpadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Paradox
    ASL Info:    25/m/Earthbound
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 586/330/60
    Words: 280
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 356
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1788



    Description:
       This is probably the most schizo thing I ever wrote.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMea culpadots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a simple form of living called Eat Yourself
    Convenient self-imposed life to death prison
    We thrive on our shortcomings and mistakes
    Failure is an option most people take
    To elude life itself through broken dreams spasms
    We paint our cells with every crime we commit
    In our twisted fantasies or in our twisted lives
    We take great pride in showing shame
    This is the age of pointed finger mirror figure
    This green mile is tiled with painful moments
    We will soon gather under a giant razorblade
    And raise our arms in worship


    - CUT !
    I mean do you always have to sound that harsh?
    Try to change your tone and maybe people will listen.

    - I have no life, just my work that bleeds.
    There's no point in lying, truth eventually prevails

    - I thought you had grown up now.
    Never thought to hear this coming from you.

    - I don't believe in growing up, you only grow old.
    I was born an old man, I will die crying like a child.


    Each man carries his own thoughts into the hole
    And hopes that blissful serenity will follow
    I live the life of a high roller
    Spending no time at all with ingrown desires
    I write nonsense on a falling comet tail
    And chase that beautiful girl around the corner
    In this shivering translucent dream I find no hope
    But utter despair that ripens and becomes explosive
    I invented the flying particle letter, nobody cares
    It doesn't break soul armor but boundaries of thought
    It's just an overgrown illusion going wild
    I sometimes whisper to myself whilst in deep sleep




    Submitted on 2005-05-16 09:59:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hm... look up Pink Floyd "the Wall", the song, not the album. if you can, youtube the video. it may sound schizo, but this is along that song's vibe.

    well written by the way.
    | Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by sailorliones | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem of yours hit me in he head. Your words are so strong, images are great, expressive. Although, I have a little problem in seeing this poem as a whole. The tone of the first stanza is quite different then the one used in the last (or maybe that is the schizo effect that I have to include). But still, this poem offers some great thoughts expressed in a very powerful way.
    After reading it one more time...it is the schizo effect, definitely.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      Mea culpa- my fault
    mea culpa is what got my attention. As soon as I saw that title I thought to myself I had to read this poem. This is a really great piece. I like the flow and I especially like the stanzas:

    " CUT !
    I mean do you always have to sound that harsh?
    Try to change you’re tone and maybe people will listen."


    "I don’t believe in growing up, you only grow old.
    I was born an old man, I will die crying like a child."

    This poem really made me think. Great job! Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by poeticstorm | [ Reply to This ]
      I usually don't read others comments before I scribble, but I was left a little lost. Toysysruss has hit it on the head; there's a skitzo (schizo?) feeling about this. On my first read, things seemed completely unconnected.

    That being said, many of the individual lines are incredible:

    "There’s a simple form of living called Eat Yourself"

    " I have no life, just my work that bleeds."

    "We paint our cells with every crime we commit"

    "I write nonsense on a falling comet tail"

    As I'm reading this a second time, selecting out the lines I wanted to comment on, a funny thing is happening. The poem doesn't seem as disconnected and flighty as before. In fact, it's beginning to make a lot of sense.

    I wonder if maybe, you split the work into smaller stanzas, it would force the readers to slow down a ponder a bit. You've got some great individual lines here and some great overall imagery. The only weakness is a way of making sure the readers get it.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      well i must be in need of some mental health helpbecause likes i did
    u are writing about our shortcommings,to this i say fuul speed ahead.and u did it well.
    dissapointment,everyday fills me up.and ive had enough+what u envoked:good job
    imagery was excellent,but i think the skitso quality contributed to that
    lol

    and remember
    wes all toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]


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