Description: Well, my mate went out wif my other mates ex and she was raging wen she found out that i knew and didnt tell her because sumbody else did. So even tho i done the right thing NOT to tell her and stir shit and start rows, she still thinks its wrong that I kept a secret and didnt gossip. I dontknow anymore, you cant do anything right these days....
One Secret -------------------------------------------
Strange
How when you think
You've done the right thing
Made the right decision
Not to pour out the secret
She conlcudes it solemnly wrong
I can't relate to this now
What I do will never be correct
And anything else
Is forever wrong.
I beg that maybe someday
Suicide wont be my only way out
Because of the fatigue
She lays upon me
And those endless
abrupt nights
Where I cry myself softly to sleep
To softly rest in peace
you gave it all away in the description. and then oddly enough, the narrative in your poem didn't fully support the intro. You have a way with your words, certainly and despite their naivete, you manage to articulate a mood and place quite effectively. I think you should try to be careful how much you give away without a fight (balance: not easy) and choose your title carefully. It's not as easy as one might think. I think... Whatever. This is still a worthwhile and interesting poem, especially, for me in the first stanza. Despite the lack of punctuation and caps it sets a scene well and the last line is very good on a number of levels. Right so. K
There was this one time that I cheated on my boyfriend, and the girl that set us up found out. She told her boyfriend, who told mine, and I guess you can figure out the rest. It sucked. A lot. I know, from my side of things, I was in the wrong. But when you're the cheater and they confront you about it, it feels close to the same thing. It still hurts, not the fact that you cheated, but the fact that you couldn't tell them. And that they shouldn't have to ask you. I know now that honesty is the best policy, but I wish that more people would figure it out faster. You had the right idea to not tell her, but you never know how things are going to turn out. I would have personally told her anyway, just becuase eventually she was going to find out. But whatever, it's not like we can turn back time and fix our mistakes. If she was a really true friend, she will eventually understand and forgive you. It just might take some time. ~Jessica
What happened to the innapropiate seduction? I waited for it and the nearest i think we got was in your description. so im not sure that the title fits. There is a conflict between endless and abrupts, so perhaps if this was intensional you should have made more of a deal of it. I think its problematic when a poem relies on its description to make sense, or to explain it. Because it makes me think why has this person written this poem? Was it to get something across, because in that case a description need not be used. Are they perhaps looking for help, then should they not be describing what it is they are trying to do with the poem rather than what it means? I realise that perhaps you will disgree and i respect that, but if you are hoping to improve your work id reccomend that you think about what someone without the description will see in it before you submit. just a suggestion. Havent seen anyone from ireland around on the site for a while, thats not that important...anyhow, thanks for sharing ellisa
Mmm...I hate it when that happens. One friend tells you not to tell, so you remain faithful. You're also trying to protect the friend you can't tell, but when that friend eventually finds out, you're the outlet for their rage. All I can say is don't take it to heart, if that's what s/he is like, then they don't deserve a friend like you anyway.
Anyhow back to the poem, which gave off n my opinion, a great sense of wariness. A sort of wanting to drift off because of this tangle that can occur..I sincerely hope however that the reference to suicide is only for the sake of the poem...however, although this could be from your perspective about your friend, it can also be that the narrator is in a relationship with the 'she' mentioned in the poem.
What I do will never be correct And anything else Is forever wrong. This is a very clever line me thinks.. for obvious reasons. Love it.
The last lines are sad but sort of appropriate, sometimes there is just this point where everything breaks down and you feel like drifting away...
Liked how you articulately captured those feelings of wariness/fatigue/exasparation driven to breaking point. Thanks for the read, peace, love, empathy.
okay, this is a rather strange poem put into some effective meaning. I don't think i know how to relate to this and i don't think i can put myself in your shoes.
Did you really cry yourself to sleep? Did you really think of softly wanting to rest in peace as in a death kinda way. I hope those weren't your thoughts cause if they were, then i hope you come out of it.
I gotta say, people can be strange. When you think you did the right thing by keeping your mouth shut it goes backstabbing you when you know something. Sucks doesn't it. Sometimes thinking that doing the wrong thing might solve their problem but then when you realize what is going on, that's when all the mess has been cleared up, then you realize you were right all the time cause it is what is important to you and your self-esteem.
don't worry, you did the right thing, and even if you didn't, we all do mistakes. It's only natural.
Submission Name: One Secret
