[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: You Took Me From My Roomdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 898
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 659

       This is kinda silly but I wanted to write it...I thought in the begginning it was kinda cool but then I was like kinda weak in the end...whateverz

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Took Me From My Roomdots

    I was sitting there you know
    I was in that place before you turned my world apart
    My world was fine
    I was happy
    This is where I was...

    A room, full of people
    hurting like myself
    One window in the corner
    And your world framed up on the shelf
    A picture of our past, painted by those that put us there
    I was happy here at last, then you had to interfere

    I was sitting there you know
    We were all a bit happy you see
    I was sitting there you know, finally unashamed of me
    You took it away
    it was mine
    You stupid head
    Now I am sad

    Submitted on 2005-05-17 12:04:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this sounded like my daughter when i used to ground her i miss that saying stupid head but not in a bad way i used to let her vent her frustrations with me makes a healthy child
    thanx again i glad you understood faces not many people do i will write my thoughts today and delete 1 so i can post time to clean up site
    thanx sandman
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee, hee...you stupid head? What the hell? You sound like me...I am so proud. Here's to going out on a limb, how many people can include the line..."You stupid head" in a poem. Go Jaz, you rock!
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jaz, you have to be cruel to be kind and this isn't your best but don't worry you'll just hit us hard really really hard with your next piece
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it till i got to the last 2 lines. the poem would be beter if you just erased them, but if you want them there, keep them , its your poem i liked it though.
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by Rosalynn Annett | [ Reply to This ]
      Well...ummm...Not a bad peice, I didn't flow too well thoug...But thats ok, because neither do Many of mine. The second to last line kind of ruined the mood for me though, I Read it twice, the second time without reading that line. I think you are expressing yourself very well here. Nice work
    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Linger written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Summer written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]