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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kill Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 485
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1226



    Description:
       i wrote this for a guy in my GH i know that its really mean and cruel. don't worry its very likely that i hope actually kill him but you never reaally know, right? will i hope you all like it.
    love tina


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKill Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life is hard to deal with,
    This world I can't figure out.
    Why am I so angry?
    Why do I always pout?

    I know what I want,
    Sometimes its what I need.
    I need you to love me,
    Not for all of your greed.

    I told you that I love you.
    I said I wouldn't lie.
    I said I'd love you always.
    You said that I should die.

    Then since you feel that way,
    I'll make your dreams come true.
    I'll just go kill myself,
    And i'll do it all for you.

    But first I will kill you,
    And then your little friend.
    I hope your life was happy,
    Because now this is the end.

    I'll make you watch each other.
    Nothing could be worse.
    She should have known better,
    When she saw I had you first.

    There won't be a happy ending,
    I will make you die.
    At least you'll die together,
    I told you I wouldn't lie.

    Do you think I'm lying now?
    Do you think I won't kill you?
    If not you'll be surprised,
    When you see what I'm writing is true.




    Submitted on 2005-05-18 14:31:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow... very emotional. very deep. did this person really say that to you. if he did than he should die. thats harsh. but anyhow. this was a great write and read. one suggestion if you kill him dont get caught. lol. i like how the peice flowed together . and just ther overall raw emotion that is present in this peice. great job keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Emotional, good. This was an interesting poem. and I agree with Paradox, if that man really told you that, then maybe you should kill him. (and if you do, don't get caught!) I write poems like these, only..darker.. and.. more.. graphic, lol. But this was good, and very emotional.
    ~Ma
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is deep but good. I could feel the emotion from it. I know it would scare the [censored] out of me if i were the one you talking about. Good job though.
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by FallenAngle2005 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah I agree with Pax, in some parts it seems kinda forced. Anyway this is not bad. These lines made me smile:
    "I told you that I love you.
    I said I wouldn't lie.
    I said I'd love you always.
    You said that I should die."

    LOL If this is true you should really kill him.
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      A few of the rhymes sound a little forced, but I like the raw emotion in this piece. In my opinion, being able to dictate the way your reader is feeling is the most important part of writing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Pax Parvani | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this! it rymes really welll and its just one of thoose things that everyone will understand. its really cool how you arent just yelling in their faces rite now because i swear i would be

    -miffy
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Miffy the rabit | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...I feel like I am talking to a murderer. Just don't be stupid and get caught, Because than I won't be able to read any more of your awesome poetry. I like this one...I wish someone would write me a poem like that... Ok...Maybe not. But it was still good
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]


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