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    dots Submission Name: worlds apart and lovingdots

    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 273


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    dotsworlds apart and lovingdots

    he sits and writes about her
    she lays and dreams of him
    worlds apart they are broken
    yet side by side their hearts remain

    smiling for hours
    at stars they cannot see
    knowing that on the other side
    he smiles back at me

    Submitted on 2005-05-18 21:14:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've read some of your writings before..and I love them all...my boyfriend just got back from Iraq in October...and your poem pretty much described my life for those 7 months he was there. I would honestly sometimes just stare out the window..and look at the moon...the sun..the stars...and just think to myself that he's looking at the same sky and he's thinking about you too. Comforting sometimes. :) This was a beautiful write. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, wink! You really hit the spot with this one! It's a fave for sure!

    I disagree with the comment that it needs more -- it doesn't. It stands on its own just beatifully. You take two images, and include the exact amount of detail needed to put the two together. And it's gotta father a twinge in nearly everyone who reads it. Very accessible -- very poignant. Well done!

    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      aww that is so short, but so strong and beautiful...simple and powerful. I love it. Perfect description of heartache and longing. The last line made me cry, cause I know that wherever he is, he is not smiling back at me.

    ... great job :-)

    @>- nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to say that i really liked this. i think that it was very beautiful but sad. you keep on writing girl because you are amazing at it. great work on this piece. short but it says a lot. lia
    | Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel this piece. I have a friend over in Iraq and when I look up at the stars I know that he isn't seeing the same. It's weird how emotions are. I really feel this piece. I'm glad I read it because I was just about to go to bed but I needed something to calm me. This did the trick. :) Thanks! Great job. :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem. It is simple but yet it is to the point filled with emotions galore. i so can relate to this poem. I love it~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      It is ironic that in order for you to ever see my comments that I must be fairly "wordy". The irony is that I was I going to compliment you on your economy of words. There is not a single word wasted in your beautiful poem. Simplicity can be quite beautiful and your work shows this very clearly.
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sad and so beautiful. it's kind of hard for me to find something to say other than how quiet and subtle you've put the heartache.
    wonderful job and i'm sorry for the crappy comment
    -the wildchild
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      a distant love, this is proof that love can survive all situations, no matter the distance no matter the obstacles this love can not be taken away and thats so beautiful to know that this love continues to grow even at a distnce... i loved it
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Natie | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems like there should be more to this poem, or maybe you just decided to keep it short and sweet.
    It's still a good poem. Work on adding more, perhaps? ^_^;
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by EmoCatGirl | [ Reply to This ]

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