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Save me!!

Author: Evie
ASL Info:    19/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 80 /84 /30
Words: 142
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1059
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 914


Save me!!

I sit there and listen,
But I here nothing.
All a blurr to my ears.
This brings me down.
I hate to frown.
Why do I dread over,
These thoughts in my head.
Sometimes I just wish,
That I was dead.
There had to be,
Something more in life.
I don't want to sit,
There and cry wondering,
Why for the rest of my life.
I try and try everytime,
To ease the pain in a different way.
I failed you and let myself down.
Will you reach out ,
And catch me before,
I hit the ground.
Will you look me in the eyes,
And tell me I'm alright.
Please help me stop,
These suicidal moods.
Help me put aways the old,
And bring out the new.
Daddy I'm still your,
Little girl.
I love you.
Please help me,
Save myself.

Submitted on 2005-05-19 07:47:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This poem was a lot better from you other poem. You had some punctuation that doesn’t need to be there. This one showed a better image of the title and shows you yearn for love from your father as if he is doing all of this to you.

These personal poems normally have more to the stanzas then the reader will get but that is true poetry. I would try using metaphors and similes in your writings it helps bring out the big picture.

I still think that you’re a little to young be on any suicidal kick most people your age don’t even know why they slit there wrist or eat pills and do drugs. Most do it for attention other are just stupid. Hope you aren’t really like that.

Ill check out your other writes.
Take care
| Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Ace | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmmm, im not too sure where to begin on this one...

its a very dark poem. suicide is a very sensitive topic, especially when you are asking for reviews or someone to pick apart your piece...and i wont do that...this is very personal, and if it helps you get though what you are facing then..i think you accomplished that! keep writing!

| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by ThaCrib | [ Reply to This ]
  i can relate to where you are coming from on here. and in a sense it reminds me of something that i wrote. but anyway i like this and i hope that you are not still feeling like you are alone. its a really good write the flow and rhythm was really good. keep it up
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  it dont sound like your parents are unloveing but im not saying that they arnt eather you only know that one the poem did have alot of emotion in it but dont kill yourself you would hurt lots of people wether you realized it or not some people on here really like your writtings so dont let them down by killing yourself which will lead to no more new writtings from you and letting down the people that enjoys your writtings other then that keep up the good work and if you need to talk to someone that has been there and done that drop me a line and ill get back to you asap
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
  i felt you knocking,so i let you in.there is truly more to'll just have to take my word,as u do everyone elses.
u wont have to take it for long,it will be will seem like an eternity to u,because of the frame of mind you're in.sometimes youre hints for help,might be to subtle,i say,maybe more direct?
all this is truly one persons moved me that much.protrayl of emotion=excellent
artistically=a lot of words u choose well.some could be improved apon,as i could
we all could, so smile

and remember wes all toyysruss
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]

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