falling from grace by wildchild

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Submission Name: falling from grace dots

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Author:	wildchild
ASL Info:	19/f/northwest
Elite Ratio:	4.48 - 307/268/27
Words:	142

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	395
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	760

Description:
okay, yes i do realize this is kind of a sing-songy poem but i had to do it for a class and figured i might as well post it.

falling from grace dots

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I used to be a princess, swarthed in shimmering pink,
But now I sit in shadows, holding my own bitter drink.

I used to be the child goddess, raised up on high,
But now I have grown up, too heavy for my dais to fly.

I used to be a champion, holding my head up proudly,
But now I am a regret, they shout my disgrace loudly.

I used to be at the top, for I never was mistaken,
But now I lay low in the ditch, being utterly forsaken.

I used to be the hope for the entire human race,
But now I am shamed, afraid to even show my face.

I used to have treasures, piled up high to the sky,
But now I have been stripped of glory, left on the side to die.

Submitted on 2005-05-19 11:46:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i love this.this is a different way of poetry that i haven't seen in a while. by different i mean the comparing and i mean it in a very good way. this flowed realy really well.

love jen
| Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]
  Darn a lot of people have commented on this piece(I can see why). It uses a type of yinyang structure i rarely if ever see in writing. The hold poem is meant to demonstrate contrast, but the best example of this is the fourth stanza in which the subject loses her identity.The stanzas is particulary important because it is a turning point. It provides two different opportunities. The first being the easiest, a simple freefall. The second being the use of anonymity to create a clan slate from which the subject can rebound. The subject remains without choice though and therefore continues to freefall becoming what the others have assigned her to be, nothing. I thought this was an interesting piece of personal lose through corruption and despair. Thank you for Posting,

Yours Truly,
Argos
| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Aruemos | [ Reply to This ]
  I used to be a princess, swarthed in shimmering pink,
But now I sit in shadows, holding my own bitter drink

Thiese lines and the very last one were so powerful that they nearly brought a tear to my eye. They touched places in my soul (what's left of it anyway) and brought back memories that were long ago forgotten. I may sound like I'm being dramatic, but I'm not, it's how I felt about your poem. It was beautifully dark and you did it the best justice it could afford.
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  Would you rather have not been the princess? Not seen what the top life was like?

Just a thought. This may be an odd comparison, but take Danny. He is still pissed with Micheal for being born and taking his place as the baby. I was the baby for almost two years, though I don't remember it, so I am not bitter with Danny for taking my place. Though I kind of think (not to the extreme that Micheal takes it) it would be cool to see what it was like. But then there is always the fact that I wouldn't want to give up mine and Danny's friendship.

I may have taken this the complete opposite of the others...but what do I care? he he

Bon
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this poem was pretty good. I can relate to someone who has just..a life and then it changes all the sudden. Its sad. good job
inkpen
| Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
  I would like to say that this piece was very intruiging. I can relate to this 100%. Being something as a child & then growing up in this world, changes you. Keep up the writing. Gives me a sense of security that I'm not the only one with these feelings. Great work.
| Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by harlequinforest | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is good. I like it...seriously. I'm sure with all the comments you have on this piece you certainly don't want to here the same things over and over again but...*struggles*

...Damnit, I have to say it.. That just flowed really well and was beautifully executed. The comparison and rhyming was perfect. I loved it. Very expressive. Evokitive. Brought about certain images and feelings.

Lol.

Okay, enough rambling.

Very good, well done.

-Sennie.
| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Drifting Star | [ Reply to This ]
  thank you for your comments on my poem they are much appreciated i read one of yours and commented to
please keep in touch

Stay Positive
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  i can totaly relate to this poem
you are going thru the pains of growing up i believe you were describing all the things your parents loved ones teachers and friends said about you
i have a funny feeling im gonna say the opposite of what youd expect

do not give up these feelings
evreything good that was ever said or about you will help you to grow
do not give up
you sound like to smart and special of a person to
the secret i believe to a happy productive life is to remain positive

Take Care Of Yourself and keep in touch
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Is this piece about an angels' fall or is it a metaphor for what happens in peoples' lives? I liked the flow, the rhythm was good. My "Rebecca" series is about a fallen angel, that is why I asked. All in all, a good piece. Take care.
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm it was good its sad in a way. Good rhyming by the way. It did make me feel depressed since I think alot of ppl feel that way. But you captured a very common feeling.
| Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by winterdove | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the flow of this piece, though I agree that if it was broken up into stanza's, it might just be that much better. As well, I would like to know more about this princess and how she came to feel this way. Maybe I'm just nosey, but I like to have a sense of the background of a character such as this. Could also have something to do with the family research I randomly help out with. Either way, I have to say that this does work on its own, but a prologue sort of piece may help the reader to better understand that which has brought your princess character to this point.
| Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by TylerP | [ Reply to This ]
  yup, "raised up on high" definitely made me think of church hymns. "angels we have heard on high..." however the rest of it goes. actually, from the title alone, i guess that's what i was expecting this to be about, an angel fallen from grace. i was not disappointed by what i found instead. i can't help but wonder though, why did you used to be and have all these things? what happened that made you lose them and feel this way? this is just a suggestion, you can take it or leave it, but i think you could add a few more stanzas to elaborate a bit more. actually, i take that back. i kind of like the mystery. it makes the reader think for themselves, instead of having the answer given to them. so scratch that. great job. ...bb...

XoXo
~TaY~
| Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is something for those times when mediocrity suddenly hits you in the face. it's good... though "raised up on high" kinda reminded me of church hymns. it's like whoa! a GOD! =P
| Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by pinkchilli | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this piece and 'i' like sing/songy flow from time to time. I think it worked well with the this/that back/forth theme. Hope you received a good mark! Nice job!

Love,Peace,Joy!
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Hehehehehe. I remember this one. I read it in class. Everyone was so shocked when you read it. It was great. Lol.

I'm watching That 70's show, the one were Hyde and Jackie get caught together by Erik and Dona. lol.

Okay, to the piece, you did a fantastic job on it. The only thing I can suggest is fixing the form. Break it up a little, if I may show, you don't have to use it you don't want.

I used to be a princess,
swarthed in shimmering pink,
But now I sit in shadows,
holding my own bitter drink.

I used to be the child goddess,
raised up on high,
But now I have grown up,
too heavy for my dais to fly.

I used to be a champion,
holding my head up proudly,
But now I am a regret,
they shout my disgrace loudly.

I used to be at the top,
for I never was mistaken,
But now I lay low in the ditch,
being utterly forsaken.

I used to be the hope
for the entire human race,
But now I am shamed,
afraid to even show my face.

I used to have treasures,
piled up high to the sky,
But now I have been stripped of glory,
left on the side to die.

Just a thought. Loves ya. Oh what old works are you going to put in your book. I'm still not sure on my end.

Kimbawa
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  I guess it depends on the format of the assignment, I found the constant positive/negative contradiction a bit jarring.
Your words are nice though, I'd like to know the story behind WHY and HOW she fell from grace.
Well done,
Be Happy
Graeme
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was nice. I liked the rhyming and the back and forth message. Falling from grace is a perfect title for it. Some things we all feel at times. Have a good one.
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  i enjoyed this piece. i would have used stanzas but that is probably just me. i really like this and the flow was great. good work lia
| Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]

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