Emotionally Diseased by BrokenAngel

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Submission Name: Emotionally Diseased dots

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Author:	BrokenAngel
ASL Info:	19/F/MI
Elite Ratio:	3.91 - 178/156/47
Words:	92

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	198
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	596

Description:
Hello. All I ask is for your thoughts on this. Thanks.

Emotionally Diseased dots

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You see me standing all alone
Inside a crowd of friends
The pain I must feel, it never shows
But this is not the end

I hide behind a self made mask
And keep my fears at bay
Never showing fear nor sorrow
Only letting happiness shine through

Obsessed with keeping everyone
At least an arm-length away
The only one I've let through
Knows me as I know them

Even I, myself cannot see
The truth that hides within
All that's left is what I am
Emotionally Diseased

Submitted on 2005-05-19 13:38:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Good poem here. The message easily connects with the reader, using a good metaphor of a "self made mask". I honestly can not find anything wrong with this piece. It's creative and well worded. I suppose it's somewhat unoriginal and a commonly used concept. But that hardly matters, excellent work.
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Enrichedbydeath | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it. I was confused cuz the flow was funky, it wasn't all rhyming, but it wasn't all free verse, so sometimes it took me by surprize and it seemed kinda choppy to me. But the words are good. I really like the:

Obsessed with keeping everyone
At least an arm-length away

describing how you are afraid to get close to anyone. Wow, I really can't think right now. I totally fried my brain with that Julius Caesar stuff, there was just so much writing... But I do like this poem, and OH i think you should take the "must" out of the line:

The pain I must feel, it never shows

because it sounds too long. Ok, maybe I should stop thinking now. Actually, I'll prolly give you another comment on something else. ANYWAYS!
| Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm. cool. i understand to some extent exactly how ya feel. its like you hide for so damn long that you end up forgetting just who you are. i dunno. cool poem tho. good job :)
| Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by graffitijeans | [ Reply to This ]
  awesome job you've done here. i really relate to this and understand it completely. the only thing that got to me was how the first paragraph rhymed and the rest didnt. but you still made it deep and dark and i could understand. Love the last line- really good way to put it. First line is my fav but probably just because it rhymes and so it flows really well. Good job.
| Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  this was great. It has a deeper level that a lot of poetry lacks (including a lot of mine). It is inspiring to see that someone is bareing thier feelings in front of everyone for the sake of art. The most potent art comes from the soul, and if the soul is in pain, then you get excellent dark sad poetry.
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
  whoa this is deep i like poetry like this. where u have to dig deep to find the meaning. it reminds me of some pieces that my fried has wrote you should check them out some time her user name it silly_monkey i think if not check my page keep up the writings if u ever write something really dark tell me scary-shorty
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Scary-shorty | [ Reply to This ]
  i love this piece and i believe that a lot of people can relate... including myself. i really hope that you keep up the awesome work. i see alot of everything in this poem. in the beginning it was a little rocky but i loved it.

love
tina
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
  hey this is a really sad piece! sometimes we put on a mask to cover it all, but leting people in is THE best thing you can do...it makes the bad times a little less lonely!

-Nikki (1/4 of ThaCrib)
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by ThaCrib | [ Reply to This ]
  Wowwie girl! I totaly know what your saying because I've felt that way many times and you've always been there to make me laugh (until I snort LOL). So you know that I'll be there for you forever and for always! We'll have a girlie weekend and talk about people lol ha ha ha!

love ya,
Karen
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by kp_2007 | [ Reply to This ]

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