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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Creaturedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlackAsh
    ASL Info:    14/M/ND
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 50/73/20
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Dark
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2070



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCreaturedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've been down
    But never this far before
    Been kicked around
    But never this hard before
    I've been bloody and bruised
    But never been this sore
    Goddammit I can't take it anymore

    I've gotta try something new
    It's called hiding from myself
    Take the rope from my hand
    So I keep falling down
    Don't try to help me up
    Cause you were never there anyway
    I've got something on my mind
    That' I've been trying to say
    Why won't it go away?

    Time will tell
    What the end is holding for me
    I won't tell
    The secret of my disease

    My plague
    Follows me everywhere
    I see
    Them stop to look and stare
    Too bad
    They don't understand
    What it's like to be dead inside
    To have your life ripped from your hand
    Pity
    They can't see the real me
    I'm a creature not a man

    Life works in mysterious ways
    Follow the string until it suddenly frays
    The blood is leaking through the seams
    My stiches are coming undone
    If you know what I mean?

    Time will tell
    What the end is holding for me
    I won't tell
    The secret of my disease

    My plague
    Follows me everywhere
    I see
    Them stop to look and stare
    Too bad
    They don't understand
    What it's like to be dead inside
    To have your life ripped from your hand
    Pity
    They can't see the real me
    I'm a creature not a man

    Time will tell
    What the end is holding for me
    I won't tell
    The secret of my disease

    Tear off the skin
    To reveal what's really inside
    It's the consequence
    Of all the pain I hide
    But I mask myself so cleverly
    Never let them know
    How much I really bleed




    Submitted on 2005-05-19 16:06:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the beginning of this. I wasn't so thrilled at the end, but I still thought it was pretty good. The topic seemed a little cliché to me, the whole "what I'm hiding" thing seems a little over-done. But still, I liked the rhythm that you set into this, and the way it sort of rolled on in a fluid motion.

    I really did love the first stanza:

    "I've been down
    But never this far before
    Been kicked around
    But never this hard before
    I've been bloody and bruised
    But never been this sore
    Goddammit I can't take it anymore"

    That, to me, was wonderful lyric-crafting.

    Allright, long story short, I liked this all-in-all, some parts more than others, but I thought it was pretty good.

    =Emma=
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Emma_closes | [ Reply to This ]


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    59599

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