Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Haunted by Chaosdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Samuel Bielz
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 151/182/46
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 751
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1127



    Description:
       I know it jusmps a lot from happy to sad....but that is the point, thats why I chose the title.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHaunted by Chaosdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Given to the spirits that haunt me
    Are the keys to my private place
    The realm where I could close my eyes
    And see your beautiful face

    Now every time I close my eyes
    I see the memories of your last breath
    The peaceful dreams I had of you
    Are now just images of your death

    Afraid to move and unable to cry
    I can't get you out of my head
    Your voice still echoes in my mind
    with all the sweet things that you've said

    I read all your poems at least once a night
    You're words are so beautiful to me
    Reviving some memories of when you were alive
    I remember how we used to be

    But when I close my eyes and try to sleep
    My serene, quiet mind is impelled
    By demons of night that remind me of mortum
    I wish I could just send them to hell

    I When I visit your grave I sleep there all night
    I can feel you in the cool summer breeze
    The stars in the sky remind me of your eyes
    and I hear your quiet whisper in the trees




    Submitted on 2005-05-19 16:34:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow, what happened? how did she die? not trying to be nosy, just wondering. i really liked it. i really want ot read more of your work like this. its nice. wow. i hope you feel better. about this. how long has it been?
    love tina
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      There is only one error that caught my eye. "I when I visit your grave" you might want to fix that. But other than that it was truely a beautiful poem. My heart melted for you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      it is a really good poem and it kinda tells us about death and how it can haunt us like a parent or relative dies but in your dreams they come and spend time with (freaky i know but it happens) and it also shows the part of that wants to forget things but can't
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by inuyasha_s girl | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with kat this is a very powerful and moving poem. you make the reader feel some of what is going on in the poem and that is great. it makes it easier for some people to relate to this bittersweet event that happend in this poem. once again your a great writer and i cant wait to see more. keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      That, is real good. The title alone caught my attention (good title, btw) I love your description, and how its so bitter sweet at the end. Did this truly happen or was it just...out of the blue? From the strength of this, I would guess it really happened. This was a very good poem!
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    59601

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry