technically, this runs 6 7 6. I do believe that the word everywhere, actually breaks down as ev-er-y-where? Oh well, Im not going to stack up on what others have already said...
This is a Senyru...human nature with to many syllables that you can fix...the last line...a good attempt at a believe it or not hard type of poetry to write...I have a passion to read them for so I hope you won't get discouraged. Now if I were you to save time and mistakes ...which I should have done myself I might add lol and didn't...look up how to write Haikus and Senyrus and absorb what these little poems should reflect then create another one! `always write poetry, Cheryl.
the extra syllable in the last line adds to the line's drawn out nature. It stretches the line out like a person stretched out under a strawberry tree. Yay! i like!
your haiku's idea is good but you have an extra whatchamacallit in the last line... don't haiku's run 5 7 5?
but yours runs 5 7 6
just curious is all, but you might want to check into that. don't get me wrong, i really love this piece and i know how hard haiku's are to write so i absolutely worship you for putting it up. keep it coming. -the wildchild
Submission Name: Rushed
