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    dots Submission Name: fairys and dark allusionsdots

    Author: Sun
    ASL Info:    18/m/tn
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 43/54/14
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 899
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 964


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    dotsfairys and dark allusionsdots

    these darknesses.
    such beauty.
    tribernical of love and destruction,
    and amid it all the fountain,
    that is the fear, the pious water, the fairy's here.

    And can you be so strong
    to lift this fountain up that you may behold it.
    And can you be so steadfast in matrimony
    to avery your eyes when her nakedness is seen.
    And can you be so rightous
    not to destroy whats in between
    which seperates our world from theirs.

    And now i lie awake
    and watch the vague stars look upon me.
    and only i can behold, protect this allusion,
    for the world is no yet ready to witness
    the simplicity of the divine.

    But this beauty is a hidden darkness
    for those so spiritual to find
    this hidden life...
    Can never return.
    And i am afraid of the fairies yet.
    but fearful of my simple body...

    Submitted on 2005-05-20 11:17:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh it does seem to meander thro pretty language like an abstract watercolor, but perhapse thats all it needs to be
    | Posted on 2007-08-22 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I like the imagery. Fantasy depictions are a cool subject to delve into for such reasons as that but my attention was too often diverted by the presence of spelling and punctuation mistakes...
    | Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah, I'm going to have to follow Miffy's lead on this one. I just don't get it. It had nice flow and was very descriptive, but confusing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      I love everything about this poem...I love the flow and I really love all the detail and description. I usually dont like dark poetry but this one rocks. Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by Amanda_d19 | [ Reply to This ]
      i'll have to agree with miffy. it's a good poem but i didn't understand the point of it. it has potential, but you just need to clarify one thing at a time. i can't give you any suggestions on it cuz i didn't know what you were trying to get at. but it's good. and again, with the first post, i look forward with great anticipation of a re-write.
    | Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
      i thinkit quite good but i don't really get what this is about. i think it has all the making of a great poem but you seem to be trying to get as much across as possible, it just has to much going on at the same time. i look forward to seeing a possible re-draft. though i shouldnt tell you what to do casue i hate when people do that to me
    | Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by Miffy the rabit | [ Reply to This ]

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