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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I fear only lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: illusions35904
    ASL Info:    40/female/ everywhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.59 - 198/163/26
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 266
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 927



    Description:
       


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    dotsI fear only lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can no longer,
    Run and hide,
    From all the fear,
    I feel inside.

    I bit my tongue,
    I turn away,
    Praying tomorrow,
    Will be a different day.

    Death is myne,
    And myne alone,
    Yesterdays vanished...
    Already gone.

    For all the wrong,
    I have done,
    From my past,
    I cannot run.

    I wish to die,
    This night alone.
    I've lost my soul,
    My life is gone.

    I seek help,
    Yet, there's none,
    Please hear my cries,
    Before my deed's done.

    Death will have me,
    With arms opened wide.
    The reaper will be there,
    Right by my side.

    I fear only life,
    As fate has his way.
    I'll be gone tomorrow.
    Just a memory of today.









    Submitted on 2005-05-21 19:21:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really liked this, i thought it had a good feeling, maybe a little choppy in the middle. but over all very nice.
    good write-
    jen
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      it was flowing very good and fast at first then it started to get a little choppy in the middle and end...it almost could be a good night prayer for some...in a sick way...i thought it was pretty good but work on your typos...

    pestiferous
    | Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by pestiferous | [ Reply to This ]
      Extremely well written. Graphic and contiguous. Grammar and Spelling need work but I am confident you will accomplish that. Haunting..that is the word I was looking for to describe your poem. Looking forward to reading your other contributions. Ciao!
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Haywud Jablome | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there! I thought this had an intense, almost, 'now I lay me down to sleep' feel. I had a hard time with the misspells. I thought it may help to point them out.

    Stanza 2:
    I bit my toung, [tongue]
    I turn away,
    Praying tomorrow,
    Will be a different day.

    Stanza 3:
    Death is myne, [mine]
    And myne [mine] alone,
    Yesterdays vanished...
    Already gone.

    Also, normal punctuation rules apply, so you don't have to feel it neccesary to put a comma or period at the end of every line. (Of course, some writers use punctuation to make a point within their poetry. If that's the case, you do have the freedom to play with the rules.


    I think this piece has a lot of emotion. A deep, dark feeling prevades this whole piece. I hope that my suggestions will help others follow the feeling, not get stuck on the grammar.

    Thanks for sharing!
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]



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