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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ramblings Of A Survivordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1339



    Description:
       Written in 1997.

    I know this doesn't rhyme all the way through. Just tell me if you like it, if it's interesting, whatever.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRamblings Of A Survivordots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost.....
    In this broken world.
    Burning....
    In a broken home.
    To you I may seem...
    Irritated and inwardly scorned.
    In my hand I hold...
    A teaspoon of stone and a fistful of tears,
    No more wishes...
    Still.....
    With all the same old fears.
    I see...
    Faces and the rage behind those faces.
    People bound by complex prostitutions of themselves.
    Hidden in the shape of people,
    Nasty, little secrets shining from their steeple.
    Suicidal rages stuck in the eyes,
    Like lies.......
    Stuck in your head,
    Or reasons hanging over your bed.
    Pervertion under your fingernails.
    And hate steaming in your heart,
    Come on back down that road I longed to depart.
    I've reached this river of deceit,
    Now can I get a receipt for my time......please ?!
    I've been here too long to leave....
    Without at least a rhyme for my reasons and a reason for these rhymes.
    Time and Time again....
    I keep waiting.....
    For this altar of mystery misery to come crashing down over my head.
    Dead....
    From the inside out.
    I've just now found my specific sound...
    My legal bound to a personality conflict.




    Submitted on 2005-05-21 22:48:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you had some pretty good metaphors throughout. There were a few a bit too cliché'for me but what do I know.

    Come on back down that road I longed to depart. [i'm really not sure about this line]

    For this altar of mystery misery to come crashing down over my head.
    [miseries mystery might work better]

    shiny ,nasty people -is that a song by REM
    I liked it full of lyrically sound based stuff- It seems that you do have some of your David's music background in you. It is rubbing off. And the more I think about it-alot of your stuff, this would apply to. Intersting. Like those lines with the triple rhyme -almpost always songs have that in. Anywha nice-bet that feels good to get off your chest after about a week. Do you feel better.?
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. Yeah this didn't rhym much at al but doesn't mean it sucked. If you read some of my poems they dont really rhym much. Mainly because I wrote them from the top of my head whatever comes up I wrote down. That's how I write. Being depressed sucks. Most of my work is all about being depressed and suicidal thoughts because that's all I thought all day and night. Now I write happy and in love because I found a girl that rocks my world. Well Keep it up with the writting. Rhyming isn't always the way to make a good poem. it's the message that you send and how well you send it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-21 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      It's taken me awhile to finally comment on this so sorry :)...I liked this. I read through it a couple of times, and found that if you read it aloud it's even better :) The only suggestion I can offer (in my opinion, of course ;)) is that you cut down on the trailing periods :)... But since this one was written in 97? Well, who cares then ;)

    Nice job on this Enjoyed the reading.!

    (now post something new dammit!)
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]


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