Those They Left Behind by lenotoire

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Submission Name: Those They Left Behind dots

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Author:	lenotoire
ASL Info:	32/F/Northern Michigan
Elite Ratio:	8 - 466/177/22
Words:	173

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	356
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1038

Description:
This was written about my sister and my nephew. My sister was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis at a very young age. I remember as a kid, the trips she would take to the state hopital for treatment. Her son started showing signs of the disease when he was about 5 years old. Ten years ago, they, along with her husband, parished in a terrible car accident. Leaving one survivor, their 4 year old son. It was a very tragic day for all those they had left behind. If anyone has any comments, good or bad, please let me know.

Those They Left Behind dots

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So many memories come rushing back, as I pick up this pen....

A day, when lives were changed, I see the faces and I weep.
Youth, ended so abruptly, within seconds, was no longer the light that shined in your eyes.
You left us.

The time for you to start over, to perfect yourself.
In this life, you couldn't do all that you sought, your fragile body wouldn't allow it.
And his, the little bones already twisting.
So you took him with you.
I can't imagine how hard it was, for you, knowing a mothers love.
You let us glimpse his light, but only for seven short years.
It angered me, for those years were not enough.

As time passes, I understand, dear sister.
You couldn't live as you were, you knew the pain it would bring him.
You just wanted another chance for you both.
I just wish you would have chose a different way.
Given us all, what we still long for now, our chance to say goodbye.

Submitted on 2005-05-22 12:24:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Okay, I understand now. It is even more tragic than before, though, for me to read. I feel your pain and grief as my own, as I am relating your losses to my own, and though it sounds selfish, I just can't help it. You took the emotions right out of my mouth... luv cher
| Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
  ok- let me go wipe my eyes...

This was beautiful. And sad. And loving. And left me little lost in my emotions. I love this style of writing. The simpleness of the words give such a deep feeling to the piece. I envy you this talent. I have too much a penchant for flair, and twists, and styles, and rhymes - it's my curse.

I like the fact that you believe your sister took her son with her to the next life. That, somehow, it was a concious decision. It does make it hard when you can't say good-bye.

A friend of mine killed himself in the fifth grade- no one got to say good bye. I was soo mad. His mom told me that she believed he didn't want to say goodbye, that he had just gone to wait to say hello in a world more accepting of him. Nice idea, still hurt.

Thanks for this beautiful piece. Don't change anything. It's perfect.
-Chell-
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh this is so heartwrenching and sad. You write this in such a poignant way, without letting your emotions overcrowd, but sort of talking softly, sadly to your sister. There seems to be no anger, just resignation, acceptance, pain..

This story seems very painful, and I admire your courage for sharing and trying to work through it, to make sense.
'you couldn't do all that you sought, your fragile body wouldn't allow it.
And his, the little bones already twisting.
So you took him with you.'
These lines made me cry they really did. To be in that position.. I'm sorry about what happened. I know what it feels like to lose loved ones. it's awful. This was a beautiful poem though, and I wish you much healing, and love. it is the memories that we can only hold dear after all..

Thank you for this read. God bless.
Alexis
| Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
  I can't imagine what it would be like to live your story...to Know your story. I'm very close to my sisters and their young children...I'm so sorry for your loss. I admire your strength for writing this and sharing it with a world of strangers; vaunerable to anything, really. I couldn't imagine critiquing such a piece. This was a beautiful read...and a very sad one. "Sad songs say so much..." Thank you for this. Be well
~Rachel~
| Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
  I just wish you would have chose a different way.
Given us all, what we still long for now, our chance to say goodbye.

This sounds to me as though you feel your sister caused the car accident on purpose. Is that the case? If that's true, you must have some heavy-duty anger to work through. Writing will help and so will time, but you migt also want to seek counsel. I can't even imagine your pain.

As far as your piece itself is concerned, I've noticed some areas that in my opinion could use some work...but do you really want that here? I have the feeling that this was written more as a release than from any desire to be stylistically poetic. mae
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  Its a really sad thing to have. It must be painful to share. I used to help, not people with this diagnosed stuff, but I used to help the mentally challenged. I mean I fell in love with them. Or some. But the thing is, you shouldn't treat them any differant though.
My story is a little differant. It must be painful for you. But thanks for sharing you story.

Keep writing
stephanie
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  Some tough stuff to work through. Thanks for being willing to go there and share it.

A couple of thoughts

"Fateful day" seems cliché. Perhaps you could try it with just a day.

As I read it the second time, I was more comfortable with having the second stanza moved to the beginning.

Just ideas
Thank you again.
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a really emotional piece of work. I thank you for having the courage to write it and the courage to share it.

I write a lot of poetry of this style myself, often talking about my mother's death. I think that the simple words and lack of artificial structure bring a heartfelt feel to this. This isn't a polished , antiseptic bunch of words, it's simply you, putting emotions on paper, just the way they are. It's raw, it's hard, it's powerful.

And it's beautiful.

I'm very sorry for your loss and yet very happy it drove you to write this,
Steve
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]

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