The Door by Blindly-N-Love

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: The Door dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Blindly-N-Love
ASL Info:	17/F
Elite Ratio:	4.61 - 197/141/29
Words:	90

Class/Type:	Random Thoughts/You left me
Total Views:	307
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	526

Description:
It means what it sounds. I just a short poem that I wrote, for no reason. And after I wrote it, it happened!! It was weird, I always told ppl I was physcic they just never believed me! Lol. Enjoy!!!

The Door dots

-------------------------------------------

Stormy Days and Stormy nights,
There is no sun. There is no light.
Im hiding behind my fears,
And fighting all my tears.
You've opened up a door for me,
And now you want to leave things be.
Well what the hell do I do now?
How did you have the heart, how?
You left me for no reason,
And this isn't the right season,
I can't trip over this anymore.
You might have opened that door for me,
But Im going to be the one to close it.

Submitted on 2005-05-22 14:14:41 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I agree with Yclipse and seven, it does seem to fade toward the end. And hey, I'm psychic too! I use to always be able to hear my mom come home long before she does, know who is calling me, little things like that (I've even had dreams about my current boyfriend before I have ever met him) Its kinda freaky isn't it? anyways! back to the poem. You don't need to rhyme all the time, for example, I rhyme (unintentionally) every so often, and it gives the poem a better feel to it (I think) but other than that, good job.
~Kat
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem could almost be a sonnet (one of the few rhyming vehicles I myself use) a sonnet is 14 lines, 10 syllables each, and iambic pentameter. the lines and structure of work work is similar to that method.

after the 4th line the strength of the poem falters a bit. Unless you're really carefull, it's not really a good idea to mix contemporary words like "trip" into a work that has in every other respect a classic form. it can take away from the work's quality, and betray you as an amateur.

Demetrius
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by demetriusandrew | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with Yclipse it started out good but it faded towards the end.I think oyu could add a little more to it more discription to it.other than that it has a great meaning and its powerfull way.
well hope to hear from you
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Um, hm. Your poem started out pretty strong, but kind of trickled off towards the end. And, IMO, the ending isn't right. I know poems don't always have to rhyme (and you don't have to!), but I think in this case, it should.
Some of your stanzas didn't make sense, really, like:
"Well what the hell do I do now?
How did you have the heart, how?"

You don't have to rhyme if you can't. When rhyming, it has to make sense (remember that!)

Well, that's all. :)
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by Yclipse | [ Reply to This ]
  A very strong emotional poem. I understand the pain you write of. You have good ryme and a good rythem untill you hit {Well what the hell do I do now?
How did you have the heart, how?} that through it off a bit.
Maybe a rewrite on these lines will make it flow a little better.
You don't always have to ryme but if you do at least try to make it flow. That was the only part that through me off. Other then that it gets the point across that your shutting the door on the one who hurt you and that is streangth, good for you. Hope to read more of yours, Smiles.
| Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by pj5 | [ Reply to This ]
  I got the hint of Harlem and a beret cafe. . . that's something sort of great. You have something that's yearning to get out and i can't wait to see how your writing will evolve. You've got talent...don't waste it.
| Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.