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The Essence Of Me


Author: lenotoire
ASL Info:    32/F/Northern Michigan
Elite Ratio:    8 - 466 /177 /22
Words: 289
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1417
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1715



Description:


Most of my writing comes at night, when I search for sleep, but find none.


The Essence Of Me



Darkness invades my soul as the face of my spectre appears before me.
A haunting vision of days gone by, and I realize.
He is always here.
My demon, my lost lover, my end;
For he will be the end of me, like he was the end of innocence.

He continues to take, night after night, and the hatred begins to grow in me.
Can I ever be free?
I know now that I cannot.

I glimpse the devil buried inside his hollow heart, and the anger inside me overshadows every other emotion.
Where does this hatred come from?
Why does it consume my existance?
Will it ever subside?


Oh, but it is love that forms my hate.
The love I feel for this ghost who can never be vanquished from my soul.
For yes, I do love him, still.


That self-confession burns me, for in my denial,
I was blind.
And this acknowledgement fills me with a sense of self-loathing.

My masochistic dreams, and thoughts so horrid, bring a peace to my darkened mind.
And the need to be taken, again, by this apparition, this ghostly figure that lives on in my imagination,
Brings me comfort.


I, in my darkest desires, long for him, his scorching kiss, his magnificent touch; but it will not set me free.
I will burn for him again.
When I close my eyes, and the blackness invades the light, the hunger will come forth and swallow every lucid thought until all that remains is the insanity,
That I feel for him,
And the need to have him inside me.


He is the essence of me, without him, I am but a shell.




Submitted on 2005-05-22 16:45:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  you gave your poem away by your last line. You and he are the same person. A split personality of sorts. In a desire to control there is this spectre inside you which comes and goes according to the situation. The male comes forth when there are moments of losing control and the female comes out when there are things nicely going your way.
I use "you"and "Your" in reference to the person portrayed in your poem,which doesn't necessarily mean the personal YOU
This piece is a classic study on how a person with a split personality operates. There are moments of sugar plum daisies and moments of cattailed floss, if you can grasp that analogy.
A nice write on a clinical subject.
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. the description was amazing, your words are very dramatic and paint amazing pictures in my head. i love how you describe this person as both your hate and your love, your joy and sorrow, your pleasure and pain. your flow is ok, and your words are great. keep it up

nirvana
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by Nirvana | [ Reply to This ]
  Nicely done. You have a dramatis way of wording. So, basically, this person is both your pleasure & pain... ur life & ur death.. ur Heaven & ur Hell... I like. The only thing th@ needs working on would be... ur flow. No offense.. but it sux chicka. Me 2, I'm bad @ it... so I guess we both have to work on it. I would say the best flow I have ever had would b in my poem "C.I.LA".. read it if u want. Behind the stage isn't rlly bad either. The Jewlry Box rlly sux though, so don't touch th@ 1. I'm the same way... my best work comes @ night. Its like.. idk.. my brain isn't side tracted by everything else, th@ it now has a chance 2 reflect & elaborate. ttyl Ciao 4 now.

-Rachel
| Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by Aprie Chick | [ Reply to This ]
  wow this one hit me more the seduction was much more powerful i think with these lines "My demon, my lost lover, my end" awesome "The love I feel for this ghost who can never be vanquished from my soul.For yes, I do love him, still." "I, in my darkest desires, long for him, his scorching kiss, his magnificent touch;" my god im so connected with these words. "That I feel for him, And the need to have him inside me." and again " also the last line "He is the essence of me, without him, I am but a shell" this is off the hook, so great, and honest. i dont know if these sentiments were in the other ones but this hit me so much more. like i said before im confortable in my situtation but i do hunger for more its like a drug to me this soul affliction. wonderful poem a fav fav fav mega favorite with gold ribbons and a party! mike
| Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  The more I looked through this poem, the more I liked it. At first, I was a bit confused, but that may just be my tired eyes.

If I'm reading this correctly, here we have the poem of love gone bad. Not love lost, love scorned or death of a loved one, but love gone bad.

Our author thinks she still desperately loves the guy.

"Oh, but it is love that forms my hate.
The love I feel for this ghost who can never be vanquished from my soul.
For yes, I do love him, still."

But at this point, it may be more of an addiction:

"I, in my darkest desires, long for him, his scorching kiss, his magnificent touch; but it will not set me free.
I will burn for him again."

Somehow, either she has realized the problems in this relationship and broke it off, or someone else has ended it for her. IN either event, she is free in reality, but not free emotionally.

"He is always here.
My demon, my lost lover, my end;
For he will be the end of me, like he was the end of innocence."

There's a strong sexual angle here as well, also with an addictive feel:

"I, in my darkest desires, long for him, his scorching kiss, his magnificent touch; but it will not set me free.
I will burn for him again.
When I close my eyes, and the blackness invades the light, the hunger will come forth and swallow every lucid thought until all that remains is the insanity,
That I feel for him,
And the need to have him inside me."

In the end, it seems that our heroine has been in a sexual relationship that has ended and a large piece of her wants it back. Is that a bad thing? Perhaps. We're left with a few missing pieces and a couple of valid interpretations. He may have been an abuser, a drunk, a bum, any of a hundred things that may have made a long-term relationship a really bad idea. On the other hand, there may be religious or parental pressures splitting up what may be otherwise a wonderful relationship.

In either event, it's a great read and I think it's heading for the favs.

Thanks,
Steve

| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]


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