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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sonnet to The Next Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeadGod
    ASL Info:    20/M/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 61/103/31
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 819
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691



    Description:
       This is about the morning after your heartbreak, when it really hits.

    To my relationship which ended yesterday: R.I.P.

    I don't think I still believe in love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSonnet to The Next Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Imagining the instant that you wake,
    The moment that you know what has occurred,
    The first unsure and lonely breath you take
    After the last of your goodbyes were slurred.
    I know that when I feel the burning sun
    Refracted through the glass above my bed,
    And rise, and know the pleasant dream is done,
    The fragments of my hope will then be dead.
    They told me when I gave myself away
    In passion, that my innocence would fly;
    But something that I never heard them say
    Was how belief in love could also die.
    I cannot fight the dawning of the day,
    For darkness, like your lover, fades away.




    Submitted on 2005-05-22 21:30:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can see a lot of feeling are in these words. Being young and going through the different relationships until you right the "right" one that will last is one of the hardest parts of life...at least it was for me...just when you think you have something good going on...it ends and you have to get over it and start again. Hang in there...things will get better.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      I've never thought about writing something like this. This is unique. It stands alone in my opinion. Everyone can write a broken heart piece but this one just captured me, you know? I like the idea of the last goodbyes being "slurred" and waking up to a fresh, beautiful day facing it alone. It is hard especially if you've been in a really long relationship. Love is such a wonderful thing but ending one is a bit ch. In a few months, maybe years, you'll love the memories and love you shared. :) Great piece. Best of luck.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Youre right, it does really hit the morning after. Thats the worst time. And as for love... I dont exactly know how I feel about it anymore either. This is written beautifully. Its so sad but the wording is excellant. I really like it a lot. And I hope everything works out for you. I'd say that it will, but im not sure I believe that yet...I mean, its been about 6 months and I still feel like its the morning after. I hope its easier to overcome for you. Good luck with everything :-) Rise above it.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...This is really awesome. Especially because it's a sonnet and you didn't force the rhyme and you kept up with the syllables and I'm so proud of you! *Big Hug* lol. Anyway, yes, this was really good, although it made me sad. You should be proud of such a powerful piece. I'm sorry that this happened to you, sunshine. It'll all be okay.
    *Huggles and Cuddles*
    ~Caribou~
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty write. I know the heartach all to well and it is hard to heal from but you will slowly and sorry to say this you mourn for that love all over again only this time it is because you have let it go. Love and feelings work weird like that but the second mourn is easier to deal with cause you have found love again. I hope you heal quick !~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      This was well written. I don't have the slightest what a sonnet is or why they are hard to succeed at, but I trust magnicat knows what she's talking about. It's a sad subject, I am still in the LONG process of getting over and moving on from my last relationship. However, there was no day after for me, because instead of ending, it slowly fell apart until it was nothing, no closure, no goodbye, just nothing. I think that's why I'm not yet over him...Oh well, I still believe in love, because I know that I have given it and received it, so I know that it exists, and someday I will find someone to love me everlasting, and as long as you don't give up, so will you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      This was well written. I don't have the slightest what a sonnet is or why they are hard to succeed at, but I trust magnicat knows what she's talking about. It's a sad subject, I am still in the LONG process of getting over and moving on from my last relationship. However, there was no day after for me, because instead of ending, it slowly fell apart until it was nothing, no closure, no goodbye, just nothing. I think that's why I'm not yet over him...Oh well, I still believe in love, because I know that I have given it and received it, so I know that it exists, and someday I will find someone to love me everlasting, and as long as you don't give up, so will you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      well done for a sonnet, they are not easy to write. this is so sad and melancholy. i know the feeling, upon waking up and realizing what has happened, that it is not just a dream. it is a devastating feeling... thank you for sharing.
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      ACK. Broken heart! ;-; Must fix...damn. Only time can fix this.
    Even if you don't believe in love anymore, you can go on and write and live another day. Even if somebody betrays you... but I, have never been struck by love's insecurities--it's lies, it's falsehoods.
    So what would I know.
    Good write. Hard subject.
    Everyone's outlook on it mixes with the differant memories.
    "Relationships make or break a person."
    Rambling here. Sorry.
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully done - it's unfortunate it is not about a happier occasion. It's hard work to write a sonnet and you have done a marvelous job of it here. I haven't mapped out your rhyme scheme but it certainly reads great. As for "R.I.P.", remember -"This too shall pass" Heal quick and kick butt!
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]


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