Description: A more obscure piece, I think. The meaning might be a little hidden under strange metaphores, but it's basically about the one thing that you keep secret and hold on to; the rest I'll leave up for interpretation.
There's a supple purple hue
that curves around my temperature
removing laugh lines
and stop signs
and pushing me to action
with a lack of expression
and a drought of thought
and words lapse like starlight
over the brighter moon
obscuring my intention
and lacing an indention
in the plaster in my room
A peepshow of the mind
a little thought
a little show
It's all I've got
Before I've got to go
I'll promptly wrap myself in sunrise
and blur away my shame
if you ever see my moonlight
most likely you'll never chance
to ever see it again
It is the one thing I keep hidden
and the only thing that is my own
The one piece of my sanity
that you will never know
I must confess (and I'm slightly shamed to do so) I was not expecting this from a 14 year old. I suppose we all have our stereotypes. I was very pleasantly surprised I don't think the metaphors are too obscure at all; in fact, I think they draw out the poem beautifully.
"A peepshow of the mind a little thought a little show It's all I've got Before I've got to go I'll promptly wrap myself in sunrise and blur away my shame"
Very descriptive, very original lines. And the title drew me in. I wouldn't change a thing about it (except maybe a tad more punctuation) Wonderful read. Be well ~Rachel~
'It is the one thing I keep hidden and the only thing that is my own The one piece of my sanity that you will never know'
This line was great. I, myself, can really feel what you have written here. I have a little seecret of my own, more like a spectre that only comes out in my writing. As for that, I think you should replace the word one in the 3rd line of the part I am talking about, seeing it is already used 2 lines above. Maybe like this... It is the one thing I keep hidden and the only thing that is my own A little piece of my sanity that you will never know.
Also, I am a freak for punctuation. I think that maybe with it this piece could be greater than what it already is. Anyway, that is just my opinion. It was a beautiful write, and thank you for sharing it. Crystal
Submission Name: Emotional Stripper
I don't think the metaphors are too obscure at all; in fact, I think they draw out the poem beautifully.