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on the distant right, digressing from the beaten track, your route meanders abruptly to the left and back - only to fixate upon the direction of one immersed in madness, you drip dry with remnants of newly-recovered rationality. they cannot tune in to broadcasted waves of your unsettled consciousness. likewise, you are unable to fathom why the unknowing ones do not sought the kind of death that transcends what even Dowson believed as temporal. misunderstood by the masses, you seek solace and euphoria in the obliging voices that echo within the shifting walls of your mind which was left unhearing and unseeing to the spoken words of man and their motives. |
There seems to be a lot of protest in lurking within this poem, bubbling near the surface. Certainly the is unrest. This is for sure a very thought-provoking piece of poetry. I have to agree though, maybe a couple of less paragraphs would even improve this. As it stands though it's still better than anything i could come up with. well done. | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ] | Well the metaphors and wording is absolutly beaitiful and i love the imagry, but you seem to be a little pharagraph happy, you put in returns a little to often, i think it would flow better and be easyer to read if you condensed some of the lines, but over all i liked it a lot, my favorite part was | on the distant right, digressing from the beaten track, your route meanders abruptly to the left and back - THe rest of the stansa could use a little work but i liked it all the same! ~Shadow P.s thank you for reading "the path to individuality"! Your advice is always welcome. (your pic is awsome!) | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ] | This was very dark. I don't know if it sounds political or more of a battle with another and an inner battle within yourself?! Maybe I'm wrong? I don't know. Other then the confusion of what the meaning is...this was really interesting! | Li Li | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ] | This sounds very political to me...Sounds like a political piece somehow to me but then again, maybe not. Maybe I'm just crazy. The distant right-back to the left whole thing gave me that idea. | X | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ] | |