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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Personal Jesusdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 780
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 742



    Description:
       Okay, I bogarted the title from Depeche Mode. I have a tendency of listening to them when I'm depressed (go figure, eh) This is far from what I think is a "good piece", but it really does describe alot...how I used to be, the person I used to be. Anywho, it's 8:15AM, way passed my bed time. May my brain be graciously benevolant tonight and grant me dreamless slumber...
    (I've gotten into the habit of adding my age to eache piece...it reminds me of how far I've come. I was 17 in this one)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPersonal Jesusdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A wise woman once asked me,
    "Do you ever go back to the time in your life
    When your world changed forever?"
    Every day
    Looking back and reading the words of my past
    Was I really that fucked up?
    I must have been
    Though I don't recall
    This is a revelation that makes me nervous
    I don't like who I was
    But I don't like who I've become either
    Smoke...
    Fog...
    Spinning...
    Hitting the floor
    Is it true that I died along with her?
    If so, what does that make me?
    Is this why I feel so empty despite any accomplishments?
    Heavy...
    Sorry...
    So easy to please
    So hard to satisfy




    Submitted on 2005-05-23 10:21:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I get the impression reading this in conjunction with your other poems and story that the 'Personal Jesus' is your friend. Having read the other poems, I think this is a strong write.
    take care
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't get the title, but the poem is pretty good. I like how you said:

    Was I really that [censored]ed up?
    I must have been
    Though I don't recall
    This is a revelation that makes me nervous

    People often don't realize how messed up they are until they look back later (when they wake up). I like how you said:

    I don't like who I was
    But I don't like who I've become either

    like you aren't sure who you are or who you should be, because you don't like what you see in you, but you don't know what to change into. Wow, that rhymes, I have been writing too much poetry. LOL I love the last two lines as well:

    So easy to please
    So hard to satisfy

    because they are so contradicting. Though the ending seems to be hanging there, it isn't really a conclusion. Overall, it's a good write! :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      Another poem of Jane.....

    This one is interesting on a couple of levels. From my 40 year old, old fogey viewpoint, I'm fascinated by a 17 year old looking at her past. My knee jerk reaction is "How much past can she have?". But then I know at 17, you had more past than most. And, I suppose that all 17 year olds have a past that seems like a lifetime.

    I like the thought provoking questions. I would guess that the lack of answers here stems from the fact that you had no answers to give when you were 17.

    I'm left wondering what you feel when read this piece now at the ripe old age of 21. Do you have answers to your questions? Do they seem as daunting? While Jane is obviously still a pivotal point in your life, are you finding ways to move on?


    I know that you, like me, don't change your past work. I wonder if this could form the nucleus of a new work.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm confused, the tiel doesn't match to me, it's an intriguing write but I think it needs more. If you don't mind filling me in a bit more with a replay that would be cool I'm interested.

    Take care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought that title was from a song but your description has answered my question...but anyways this was written when you were seventeen...ok...hmmmn...welll i like the idea...but i admit the numerable questions throughout the piece...had me confused and i was unable to fully follow the write...i don't really knowwhat to suggest a write like this specially when its written awhile back is hard to change because sometimes you are unable 6to capture the itinail feeling you were having when it was written...wow and i can't spell...sorry lack of sleep...anywho...if this was my write i guess i would try expanding on each thought...maybe trying to give answers to the questions throughout the write...now that your older now maybe its time to answer them...but theseare just merely opinions...take what you want ...purps
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      you wrote this at 17?? WOW!
    ive only been writing since i was 20 and im so jealous of anyone who started earlier... i tried to do a creative writing class at school when i was about 17 but i SUCKED! had no imagination at all and no idea about imagery or nothing...

    anyways... about your write.
    i read this and think it comes from well beyond 17 years... to have feelings and experiences that run so deep as this at the age of 17 and to be able to express them as you have shows amazing wisdom.

    reading the words of your past... i know how damn freaky that is... when i was 19 i was in hospital for 3 months coz i didnt wanna be alive and i wrote some pretty messed up angry stuff and i read some a lil while ago and i dont ever remember feeling that at all... it was very scary!

    So easy to please
    So hard to satisfy

    the end is so poignant and so true and yet worded like that it challenges me to think a whole lot more... there is a huge difference between pleased and satisfied and what is it one really wants in life...? it kinda leaves me restless though... like i wanna know more... i wanna know if a level of satisfaction is possible to be attained... girl i love your stuff!
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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