Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Pain Pays Offdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1456



    Description:
       This is an emotion poem that I wrote for english class, obviously, its all about pain, the first little mini poem just gives a taste, and then the second poem tells a story, about my break up, if you don't really understand it, please ask, I will explain.
    ***the poem printed is alot better, there is color, crazy fonts, and pictures, but I can't show that on this site....dang it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Pain Pays Offdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Pain
    Bloody pain leaks cherry through a violet sky.
    It sounds like shrieking blades on jagged glass.
    It tastes BiTtEr like garlic to a vampireís throat.
    It smells like acid eating at flesh.
    Filthy pain feels like drowning in an icy puddle.

    My Pain Pays Off
    A monsoon cautions me,
    a wretched nightmare begins
    acid trickle
    my throbbing indigo veins are bleeding a bitter wine.
    Swallowed, s t u t t e r e d
    Iíve been LYING to you
    my frayed mind cracked and died.
    Mapping out my plan,
    he art is splitting sharp
    pinpointed the perfect target
    easiest to take advantage of
    body is rotting
    scars develop with habit
    lies, hate
    make him feel he isnít there for *me*
    my love convinced
    a long awaited return
    my egotistical plan succeeds.
    Broke two innocent hearts
    but my beloved ambled back to me
    !did it on purpose!
    afraid of losing a fire that is mine.
    Selfishness
    slashes yet another scar upon my ivory flesh,
    upon my sun kissed star.
    I love you
    here with me.
    Thirty-nine 39 raw slits drip like raspberry gloss
    bleeding pain for every decision.
    his clean hand is in *mine*
    the megalomania
    The hurt, destruction brought upon me
    but all is well, I prevail.




    Submitted on 2005-05-23 10:34:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Iíve been LYING to you
    i don't know why but i really like that line with the rest of the poem it just stuck out and made me i don't know how to explain it better but i liked it alot and the line about the monsoon. heck i liked the whole thing thank you for sharing. loved it i love the last two lines also love it
    Sorry when i like something i get going hehe
    Vynom
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is good. I really like the imagery here and the descriptions you use throughout this poem is really great. Gives me a good sense of what is happening and the surroundings as well. This, to me, reads like manipulation. He left you and you used some dreadful tactics to bring him back to you? I am not sure if I got this interpretation right but this is what I got from it. A very powerful and effective poem. Nice job with this. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      ok man uve got it... everything ... is good is almost perfect (perfection is not humaN) welll.. hope u keep writing man ... and well... can u tell me some tips ?'?? los.. i wish u could .. ok cya ..
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      The way in which this was written was original, I liked the use of words. The imagery was good, albeit unconventional. I liked the feel of this. I'm not quite sure if I get it, I would be grateful if you explained it.
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      excellent work as always ViciousWriter. From an old friends point of view you have only gotten better with your writing as time goes on. "Iíve been LYING to you
    my frayed mind cracked and died.
    Mapping out my plan,
    he art is splitting sharp
    pinpointed the perfect target
    easiest to take advantage of
    body is rotting
    scars develop with habit
    lies, hate"
    very deep my dear. great job.

    -BB-
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by BloodBaptism | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this on a lot.

    The image I'm getting is using pain and suicide attempts to manipulate a lover into returning. The lines

    "Iíve been LYING to you
    my frayed mind cracked and died."

    "make him feel he isnít there for *me*"

    "my love convinced
    a long awaited return
    my egotistical plan succeeds."

    "!did it on purpose!"

    "the megalomania
    The hurt, destruction brought upon me
    but all is well, I prevail."

    Very powerful.

    My ex-wife once used this technique with me, definitely one the most difficult things I ever had to deal with. How do you respond when someone looks at you with a knife on her wrist and demands something of you?

    Something that you cannot give.

    Thank you for sharing
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      So you endured this pain...on purpose...and it paid off? Is that what you are saying? Like you wanted the pain to be there in order to get what your selfish needs desired? Am I close or am I really far off? LOL Man...this was a good one! One that actually made me think!

    Bravo!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I was thrown...I'm lost...I was on my way to getting it but then the thirty nine just threw me off becasue now Im thinking it's about Jesus' crucifixion. I'm sorry but I am lost...Maybe you should give more details in this one's description.
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    60030

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry