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    dots Submission Name: The Muting Effect Of Colddots

    Author: demetriusandrew
    ASL Info:    23/M/Huntington WV
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 29/39/11
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 844

       This is a close cousin of "Fog Angels" (which is also posted here) in terms of style.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Muting Effect Of Colddots

    Silence- as oneís heart beats
    Changing itís pace to match the rhythm of thoughts
    that tie neatly like a ribbon- endearing to the chilling feel of their interior.
    The content white heat can bring- always seems like magic
    and after itís course runs fully- a barrier for the cold is no longer wanted
    because the wave of cool washes throughout the air and soul
    like ice crystals falling from the air when clouds are frozen.

    And the blue all around- is as quiet as frozen rain when it hits the ground-
    and sinks further in- becoming something else.

    Then when the ground grows warm again
    further away from the surface,
    youíll realize why calm slow senses canceled the fear of blue
    and let you fall back into the cold silently to begin with.

    Submitted on 2005-05-23 20:31:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm... interesting. My suggestions are, for one, maybe to break it up a but more: make a space after each period; also, instead of making such long lines, you could half the lines, by makinhg a new line after each -. Also, for the 1st line, you could break it up after either "it's pace" or "to match", or maybe somewhere else: it's your decision. I like the concept behind this poem, but it needs a few revisions.
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Ajyra | [ Reply to This ]

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