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    dots Submission Name: Lycra Dreams in Charcoal.dots

    Author: reid kat
    ASL Info:    27/f/Co
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 279/196/34
    Words: 285
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1745

        not so sure why i decided in stanzas.

    hey the breaks are how i feel it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Lycra Dreams in Charcoal.dots

    her figure mashed in a blue wonder suit
    to give her body the hourglass it wanted
    and the sex appeal it lacked completely.

    she closed her eyes and lay in it
    she slept in it, then dreamt in it.

    dawn did not come.
    haze and rainclouds peeked over the horizon,
    as she awoke to the sterilized cock,
    crowing it's mating plea.

    one eye opened, as her hand did too.
    it reached for the charcoal and pad
    beside her head.

    her hand scribbled and sketched the first thoughts
    that traced her mind, behind her eyes.
    two eggs, over easy, it was.

    she tasted the image,
    and devoured it's fragerance,
    with that she finished breakfast,
    and stepped her toes to the ground.

    from the floor, carpeted, to the window that was clear.
    she pulled the door and felt the fog.

    she slipped off the suit,
    and her figure softened.
    the pool outside was cold and hard,
    it slid past her and shot a breath into her lungs.

    She climbed out, shaking,
    and retrieved the molding suit.
    as she refitted herself, she sat down for lunch.
    grapes came to mind as she put them on the pad.

    she stood in front of a mirror,
    and scrutinized her reflection.
    she liked the shape, but not her color,
    and decided she'd draw some sunshine for the week.

    Bored with the day,
    she slumped on the couch,
    and sighed as she tried to take a breath
    in the restricting comfort of lycra.

    she could not,
    and so she slept.

    Submitted on 2005-05-23 22:30:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I want a blue wonder suit! Lolful! MAKE ME ONE! Thys was a great poem, long and full of really awesome lynes. Much kewlness, auburn-fern... a story for my dreams...

    I hope you are having funn on your mission trip. Hit me up when you return!

    G-Peeps in tha hizzy
    Peace, love and NO STRAWBERRY ICED-CREAM!
    -Dat nigga Madd Jakk~
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      There was some good imagery in here with tactile sensations, but some of the lines lacked in this. The looking in the mirror lines need some deeper emotion to connect them to the rest of this

    And the ending, as well...the abruptness is fine, but it could be more profound, capturing the emptiness that is only balmed by sleep

    Go through this again and try to incorporate more of the FEEL of things. You did a great job with the sensations of the cold water and the softening of her body outside of the restrictions of the lycra suit...I'd like to see that displayed throughout the entire piece
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      ya see now this is up tp pare...love it...this is two faves in one night reid...love it...that last line...amazing...absultly perfect

    she could not,
    and so she slept

    that sums it up, lovly
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]
      The breaks help... I think if you went unbroken, 'she' would appear way too much.

    This grabs my attention how you say dawn doesnt come, yet the cock crowed... excellent way of putting a dream into perspective... this one works for me just the way it is.
    | Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

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