Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Born In Your Eyes


Author: Malcolm Bishop
Elite Ratio:    2.09 - 355 /189 /39
Words: 83
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1169
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 496



Description:


Love...it creates...it destroys. When truly found... it defines.


Born In Your Eyes



Caught in your vision, and you in mine,
the breath catches,the heart fills with wine.

Once a man set in his ways,
I will forever change to spend with you all my days.

The first time we spoke,
the first time my heart awoke.

Your smile defines my own,
everything I am has grown.

I am what I am from your laughter and cries,
from the second we glanced another...

I was born in your eyes.




Submitted on 2005-05-23 23:02:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Being the romantic I am I really like this. I can feel the emotion of love in this and your words are quite effective. The last line is beautiful and wraps it ups nicely.
| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Aww.This is so sweet that I am putting it on my fav. list.It is short yet so sweet. This is what I like most of all:
Your smile defines my own,
everything I am has grown.

I am what I am from your laughter and cries,
from the second we glanced at one another...

I was born in your eyes.
Great write.
| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by shombray | [ Reply to This ]
  i loved this, it was simple but really powerful. i loved how the last line just sent chills up your spine, it was perfect.
I have nothing negitive to say- great job!-
joy
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  Pretty good there. Some catchy phrases. Nice word color, props for you. Good KATAVOG, too. Some of the rhythms could use tweaking, but nothing major. All in all, a good, emotional poem. 7/10.
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Poet of Avalon | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this.the wording was very good and the meaning of it is very clear.you expressed the emotion you felt very well.good job!

-AdRiAn
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by black_joker1292 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very good piece. You definitely captured the emotions of finding love. I can't think of a single negative thing. Form is good, words are perfect and sentiment is clear. Very nice job.
Traci
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this one and it flowed rather well i wish i could rhyme like that i guess i'll stick to all that emotion that i write. thanks for the comment on brown eyes shining.
| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by suzanne | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



60151