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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Instabilitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geraldine
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 241/296/80
    Words: 241
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Venting
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1557



    Description:
       I was just ranting..It is kind of a mess, but it is just some thoughts that were going through my head one night while I was trying to fall asleep.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Instabilitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    As he looked her in the eyes,
    and spoke to her his words,
    she only heard the words,
    that were lingering in her head.
    As if the words transformed themselves,
    into what she wanted him to say.

    He told her he'd be honest,
    he wouldn't hold back.
    Still what she's understanding is the fact
    that he's afraid.
    She can see past his eyes,
    deep into his soul,
    so distant and uncertain,
    so dark and weary.

    Though he doeasn't speak it,
    she knows that she's the one.
    The only one to ease his mind and free his soul.
    The only one to bring him out to face this world.

    What he's saying is not all that he is feeling.
    She knows him better that he knows himself.
    He doesn't know himself,
    who he is, or how he feels.
    He knows what he is told,
    and what he needs to do.
    But he can't do it alone.

    He's always had a crutch,
    and an extra one, just incase,
    to feel secure with his ways.
    A reassurance that his way is the right way.
    That whatever gives him comfort,
    should be his only choice.
    To do what makes him and happy,
    and not what is right.
    To encourage his decisions,
    of living a sheltered life.

    No responsibilities, no focus, no goal,
    but always with that crutch he holds, so tight.
    Never to be alone, never to face the world.




    Submitted on 2005-05-24 07:52:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      It seemed choppy, and the emotions weren't very clear. I wasn't sure what on this you were trying to say. I understand it was a crutch, but what was the crutch? And what was it keeping him from doing?
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry geraldine, but a bit too cliché. Don't take this as something bad though. In order to get better you must make yourself more unique. Although I'm not going to say I'm the best writer myself. Best of Luck
    Big Bill
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm, i think you did a good job on this. the only thing i would say work on is the begining...its slightly confussing. But, other then that you did a good job on writting the emotion.
    good write-
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      once again, exactly as i feel. I think you are an excellent writer! keep on writing!

    one thing that i was unsure about:
    is it crush or crutch?
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by ShatteredGlass | [ Reply to This ]


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