Invincible by inkonspikuous

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Submission Name: Invincible dots

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Author:	inkonspikuous
ASL Info:	21/f/va
Elite Ratio:	5.94 - 76/74/26
Words:	136

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	205
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	885

Description:
Its a poem about me..i guess or should I say its a poem about how I cope. Tell me what you think.

Invincible dots

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They robbed me of my sanity.
Looted my "happy place"
took everything down to my handwriting,
and told me to please myself,
but taught me to please them.
Took control of my poetic flow,
in the past it was smooth and easy to swallow
used to join my heart with others,
but now its full of jagged edges
in the absence of the heart
I'm no longer sure was ever there.
Its become my weaponry
used only to conquer.
If I cant have my heart, then just maybe,
with the right words,
the right combination,
when read the right way,
and understood completely
I can have someone else's.
And if I lose them then I'll find another
until my blood runs thin
and my pen can no longer reach the paper
I will bleed through them.

Submitted on 2005-05-24 14:59:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Why do I always seem to see a different view in your words than everybody else? Am I that strange?

I feel a lot of resentment and anger from this, the idea of being downtrodden and rising up again and stepping on another to take back what was once yours.

At first reading this I struggled to find a rhythm
It seemed to be 5 lines, 2 lines, 4 lines, etc:
But after reading it once more the flow seemed to join in with the meaning (to me) perfectly.

It felt like you were trying to break free from something that was holding it back.

Another great work....and no criticism at all xP
| Posted on 2007-01-31 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
  awesome! the pece is almost always more emotional when there isnt much rhyme, and i love how you added rhyme here and there, to accent the work. this made me use my brain to figure out your message, and that is also what makes it great. it makes the reader use their wit, and gets them more involved. the description rocked, the flow was smooth, and the word choice was excellent! i look forward to reading more of your stuff soon! keep it up, dont lose the love, and be happy

love always
nirvana
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Nirvana | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! A totally unique way to describe the pain of a broken heart. I had to read it a few times to get the understanding of it and I must say you did a beautiful job. I can relate to this piece because whatever happens in my life effects my writing. Don't give up on love though. Great job!

X
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
  Found your flow here, ay? I like that this piece stood up to (what i'm sure was a teacher or something) an opposition. Well done as far as sticking with a concept. There's a lot of answers to the question "what?" here-lots of description, but i think that it would really add some dimension to your pieces to more vividly describe the why's...we all have our secrets for making there own work come alive...i'll be excited to see yours take shape as you keep posting! thanks for the read
key wester
| Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Key Wester | [ Reply to This ]

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