Description: took the time to read it might as comment and give suggestions for improvement...
Like I belong here -------------------------------------------
At delightful indigeous times
I feel as if I truly belong here
Like the sunbursts playing tag
amongst windy happy leafy green
Like continuing currents that dance
in the sea, it feels just so right being me.
The simplicity in this piece is wonderful (but at the same time so complex.) the over all tone is so very true. Often in the every day hustle and bustle we miss that in life. How great it is to be...but over all how greater life is to embrace your self. I wish I could comment more, but there are often times that when i come across a particular piece which, alot can be said (or praise be given for it) but certain ones i just like to bask in the energy that is transfered...and this is good energy...good good energy.
Wow, this is what i nee right now. I really am happy to be me, but being in that state makes me question my own sanity in a way. It's odd that getting here is a goal that all would want to achieve, yet when you get there, -it feels weird. You would not belive how timely this write is for my situation-kinda like reading a "right-on" horoscope.
this is a simple little gem with a soothing effect. So few people feel like they belong here, they are too busy thinking of other places they could belong they don't even see the scenery around them. I try to grab those little moments like the one you have described and hold onto them, because I often have that "other" feeling and from your piece I would gather that you get a hint of that from time to time as well. So...this little snapshot shows a larger scene, one in which I hope you can live in more often that not. I love those sunbursts too. This is charming...Magnolia
This is cute and refreshing to read. I feel like this at times too. Sometimes I feel out of place too. :) I love the visual aspects you brought to the piece. If you added more it might be better but if you added to much it might get worse. LoL So it's a thought to add some more but not to much. I just like the different analogies you used and would love to see more. Good job. Made me smile. -blt
Well, this is certainly a lovely and uplifting write. I hope the spontaneity of this happens more often for you (and me, for that matter). The feeling of "belonging" is truly a great feeling and can do wonders for our emotional side.
Beautiful words here > "Like continuing currents that dance in the sea, it feels just so right being me."
I liked these "bringing up self esteem" writes. You did it well and didnt sound too big headed in the process. Thats talent. But if I had to suggest changing something, I would change the first line, because it just makes me feel like you limit your feeling this way to the time of spontenaety (sp?) when there should be no limits to this write, ya know? I cant offer a suggestion as far as words go, but something that encompasses all the time. Anyway, just my rambling. Have a good one.
I think the length is just right. The entire poem was born of spontaineity - a spontaneous and momentary feeling of being "just right". And to have written it in any other way than that of a poem which itself was created spontaneously, would detract from it's overall appeal. It describes very beautifully and vividly spontaneous events in nature - which are also "just right". The length of this poem relects it's "spontaneity" as if it were just a spontaneious daydream she had jotted down. And the connection which she makes between herself and nature through mutual spontaneious events, which are positive in their nature, is very creative, and for me very powerful stuff. Bill
aww! this is a cute little poem! i don't have any suggestions for you, though, because i don't see anything that i think should be changed. just like your haiku, you pack so much emotion in such a small amount of words. this is well-written, and the imagery is nicely developed. great job, once again. ^_^ hugs and applause for my haiku mentor, ~*dark_and_dreary*~