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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like I belong heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladyngold
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 585/520/99
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 2076
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 255



    Description:
       took the time to read it might as comment and give suggestions for improvement...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike I belong heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    At delightful indigeous times
    I feel as if I truly belong here
    Like the sunbursts playing tag
    amongst windy happy leafy green
    Like continuing currents that dance
    in the sea, it feels just so right being me.




    Submitted on 2005-05-24 16:29:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The simplicity in this piece is wonderful (but at the same time so complex.) the over all tone is so very true. Often in the every day hustle and bustle we miss that in life. How great it is to be...but over all how greater life is to embrace your self. I wish I could comment more, but there are often times that when i come across a particular piece which, alot can be said (or praise be given for it) but certain ones i just like to bask in the energy that is transfered...and this is good energy...good good energy.

    ~Ryan
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by 27_deadpoets | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is what i nee right now. I really am happy to be me, but being in that state makes me question my own sanity in a way. It's odd that getting here is a goal that all would want to achieve, yet when you get there, -it feels weird. You would not belive how timely this write is for my situation-kinda like reading a "right-on" horoscope.

    Nice work Cheryl
    Sally
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a simple little gem with a soothing effect. So few people feel like they belong here, they are too busy thinking of other places they could belong they don't even see the scenery around them. I try to grab those little moments like the one you have described and hold onto them, because I often have that "other" feeling and from your piece I would gather that you get a hint of that from time to time as well. So...this little snapshot shows a larger scene, one in which I hope you can live in more often that not. I love those sunbursts too. This is charming...Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it. it is short and to the point. i think maybe if you wanted it could be longer but other than that i think that it is a good piece. good work lia
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cute and refreshing to read. I feel like this at times too. Sometimes I feel out of place too. :) I love the visual aspects you brought to the piece. If you added more it might be better but if you added to much it might get worse. LoL So it's a thought to add some more but not to much. I just like the different analogies you used and would love to see more. Good job. Made me smile.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is certainly a lovely and uplifting write. I hope the spontaneity of this happens more often for you (and me, for that matter). The feeling of "belonging" is truly a great feeling and can do wonders for our emotional side.

    Beautiful words here > "Like continuing currents that dance
    in the sea, it feels just so right being me."

    Nice work Cheryl
    Do Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked these "bringing up self esteem" writes. You did it well and didnt sound too big headed in the process. Thats talent. But if I had to suggest changing something, I would change the first line, because it just makes me feel like you limit your feeling this way to the time of spontenaety (sp?) when there should be no limits to this write, ya know? I cant offer a suggestion as far as words go, but something that encompasses all the time. Anyway, just my rambling. Have a good one.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Hooray 4 the celebration of being!

    U know me; <@> like the short, relative & sweet!

    This was a nice, self-embracing & celabratory piece!

    Love,Peace,Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is cool. happy, fun, simple joy and contentment. It doesnt conform to any specific rhyme or rhythm scheme which goes well with the theme here. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by HaAtzmah | [ Reply to This ]
      it's good to feel alive in our skin and like we belong here. i enjoyed this.. i like the sunbursts playing tag in the breeze. effective. this is simple and straightforward. well done!
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the length is just right. The entire poem was born of spontaineity - a spontaneous and momentary feeling of being "just right". And to have written it in any other way than that of a poem which itself was created spontaneously, would detract from it's overall appeal. It describes very beautifully and vividly spontaneous events in nature - which are also "just right". The length of this poem relects it's "spontaneity" as if it were just a spontaneious daydream she had jotted down. And the connection which she makes between herself and nature through mutual spontaneious events, which are positive in their nature, is very creative, and for me very powerful stuff.
    Bill
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]
      wicked, a happy poem! i don't read to many of these, i'm more attracted to dark stuff. it's good, really carefree and, well, happy. imagine that, eh? good work.

    gwen
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice, too bad it was so short, I could read a heap more of these descriptions.
    Almost like two mini-haikus in a small poem.
    Nice words, Cheryl, now get to work on that waterhole!

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      aww! this is a cute little poem! i don't have any suggestions for you, though, because i don't see anything that i think should be changed. just like your haiku, you pack so much emotion in such a small amount of words. this is well-written, and the imagery is nicely developed. great job, once again. ^_^
    hugs and applause for my haiku mentor,
    ~*dark_and_dreary*~
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by dark_and_dreary | [ Reply to This ]


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