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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Similiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RedRoseofBlood
    ASL Info:    19/f/outsideyourwindow
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 592/582/135
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1022
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 453



    Description:
       I was feeling really depressed on one of my mood swings. I needed medicine.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSimiliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel uneasy
    Like I'm swimming in a vast ocean
    Lost and tossed about the immense waves
    I feel so little and unseen
    Like an ant
    Wandering out in and ever encumbasing world
    Searching for something better
    I feel nothing at all
    Like a hospital patient about to be cut open
    Wondering if I will ever wake up from anethesia
    I am incomplete
    But I don't know what is missing




    Submitted on 2005-05-24 17:31:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You seem to have a questioning nature and I found this work interesting but not overwhelming. Ithink there is more that could be said about the subject, probably at a later date. What you have said does remind me of how unattached we actually are to society and each other. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Man...that's exactly how im feelin right now..your poem was worded wisely and had very good imagery in it...i liked it alot, it had a kool flow in it and it seemed raw but ut also had an affect where more ppl could relate to it...well again good job...best wishes and hope u feel better than i do...bye
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooh LeAnna I love this one. I love the comparisons to the ant and the hospital patient. It gives a great visual and helps to show your meaning of the whole poem. Good job! Keep posting! :D <3
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by DreamofOrganon | [ Reply to This ]
      It a small dark and foboding peice. Over whelmed and stressed the peice is.

    (sorry still in star wars mode)

    Our fraliteis and insignificansce in the big scheme of things is vividly painted as the peice concludes.

    You did good here. Keep it up.

    Ps. Have corrected the peice.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by Unicrom | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea! I like it a lot. It's dark, but not overwhelming. I think you hit the spot with this one. It shows more humanity to depression, not just like someones stuck moping about. This is great! Another good poem of yours.
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      "Like a hospital patient about to be cut open" great visual. I think you captured the lost feeling well my only critique to you would be to end with the line. "Wondering if I will ever wake up from anethesia" - this gives the reader an open ending.
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
      What actually makes us different from the ants?
    We are just a small nothingness within the infinite space we call the world. What and how we perceive things makes us all different, but somehow feeling insignificant and tiny is not to be sad about. We are all small, and we are all fragile, just like the ants in their trees. There is always something bigger and better around the curve in the road, and there is always something to be happy about. A little ant can always grow into a big, soldier ant if they try.
    Excuse my rambling, nice write though.
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      "I am incomplete
    But I don't know what is missing"

    How many times have I felt like that myself? Once again, there you go saying things that remind me of me! I hope things get better for you.

    Stefanie
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]


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