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Knot the noose around my neck

Author: WaxingPoetic
ASL Info:    27 ~ Louisiana
Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 493 /563 /100
Words: 116
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1088
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 801


I'M BACK!! I haven't written anything in FOREVER! Ok it's about being with someone that only hurts you but you still love them and let them hurt you. Not from a true experience in my life, I just started writing and this is what came out. Help me, tell me what it needs, I want to get back into writing again : )

Knot the noose around my neck

Regurgitate your truth again
Cast a shadow over your sins
Lash the rope around my wrists
Cover my eyes with your fingertips
Your heart is black
Like the liner around my eyes
Your fingers, spies
Spin your lies
Your web of deceit
You leave me depleted
Just grasp me when I'm needed
But my love for you
Always repeated
Fall into the abyss
Of your own nightmare
Ahead I stare
Always unaware
You wait in silence
A mocking grin
A poke
A laugh
A jab
A sneer
No matter what I want you near
Knot the noose around my neck
A tingle
A trickle
Glistening cheek
Last time I speak
Still it's you I seek

Submitted on 2005-05-24 19:11:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Aha, this piece sounds like it was written by one of those women who just can't resist the "bad boy" and it shows her willingness to put up with all the bull[censored] that goes with it.

Did I get it right or did I totally miss the boat on this one?
| Posted on 2007-08-30 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved this, it was great to read something that shares a similar title with one of my poems but where the content differs.
I like the dream-like truth about this, it makes everything seem surreal.

Thanks for the read and thanks for the review.

| Posted on 2007-03-11 00:00:00 | by MornSweetSong | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good. The flow is fine and I like this inconsistent, kind of free verse rhyming scheme (this seems contradictive, but I hope you understand what I want to say).
The piece is quite grasping. I think we all move in circles, living by the same pattern and repeating the same mistakes just on a different scale. I guess everyone has its’ own share of circles. When the time is right, the pattern will be broken.
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this was pretty intense. Kind of like a deer in the headlights...transfixed on the beauty of the light, not knowing it is going to ultimately cause them harm, ya know? Very strong words you used too. Have a good one and keep smilin'
| Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  really like the opening line,

Regurgitate your truth again
Cast a shadow over your sins

such a great mental image of how we cover things up in human interaction. this curious battle of chasing the one thing that kills you. I like it...i fear the noose as a metaphor for this might be slightly contrived, but you use it well enough.

enjoyable indeed.
| Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
Don't really like to comment on others work yet as i feel i am only a beginner myself, but i think this is a good piece that flows well apart from ( And only in my eyes ) Fall into the abyss of your own nightmare, i didn't think that really fit in maybe revise the line or re-position it? And maybe "You leave me feeling depleted, you could lose the word feeling;
You leave me depleted
Just grasp me when I'm needed

Perhaps it's just me, but either way don't take it as gospel, i'm new to all this, so could just be babbling

Good read
| Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]

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