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    dots Submission Name: Nails On The Chalkboarddots

    Author: longwinterdays
    ASL Info:    21/F/WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 204/190/64
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 583


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    dotsNails On The Chalkboarddots

    Drowning in this darkness that surrounds us
    Barely able to breath through the smoke
    Slipping in and out of mindlessness
    And hoping for the worst

    Consicious of the eyes of deciet following us around the room
    Demanding pain from ever inch of our bodies
    Falling away into the abiss of these bodies
    And crying tears of hatred

    Nails sliding down the chalkboard screeching to a halt
    Coming to a sudden stop among these minds
    Crying tears of beautiful confusion
    And wishing that this were all over

    Submitted on 2005-05-24 23:14:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is very descriptive and makes the pain come to life through words. Especially with the line "Demanding pain from ever inch of our bodies". I also like the line "Drowning in this darkness that surrounds us." Its a great line to start this poem. It sets the atmosphere well. Though I did notice something contradictory.
    "And hoping for the worst"
    "And wishing that this were all over"
    It seems the narrator wants the pain and wants it to be over at the same time. But that is where the line "Crying tears of beautiful confusion" explains this. The narrator is extremely confused. All in all: it was a very interesting poem to read.
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Benjamin Marr | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there my mexican friends. j/k. Thought I'd see what your up to in writtin. You haven't been online in a while. Well anyways. I thought this was a good poem of yours. Only thing wrong is that you need to add a "y" at the end of everin the 6th line. Other than that it's good. :). Well hope to hear from you soon. bye.
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]

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