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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Innocence and Forgottendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1192
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 565



    Description:
       Just some other cruddy thing that people are going to say isn't cruddy but Aki doesn't think is thaat great. *big gasp of air* Err, i was just trying something new out, please tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInnocence and Forgottendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Run across a field of daisies
    as I catch snowflakes in my mouth.
    We held hands before jumping
    the puddle soaking pants and sleeves.

    Reading the Wizard of Oz
    laughing at the sad parts.
    We cuddled with the kittens
    slept with the dogs.

    We went though that part of life
    that set us up for life.
    Let go as they laughed
    and wondered away from the other.

    Black hearts bleed
    sending us into the grave.
    Children laugh
    as they race by, yet again.




    Submitted on 2005-05-24 23:25:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Must have been a Spring snow if you were catching snowflakes while the Daisys were in bloom. But it really is a nice image, the whole poem leaves good thoughts to mind.
    All in all I think it is a sweet poem.
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the contradicting imagery myself, but soem parts like when you repeat life at the end of two lines you can get rid of the one. I just thing you can do a little criticing, but all in all I got the main point which is the purpose of a poem, no?
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
      Contradictions....... what a interresting game you play...... The contradiction in this poem we're really appropriate. You know Aki, you might not believe it, but I think that's one of your best poems. Well, I got to say I'm an addept of this kind of poetry... Anyway, keep up the good work.

    -Neko-
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Gothik | [ Reply to This ]
      sometimes we may write something we think is very crappy and not worth a second glance but then why do we put it on this site we are hopeing that someone can relate to us and that someone has felt the same we look for acceptance
    kristen
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]


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