Description: Just some other cruddy thing that people are going to say isn't cruddy but Aki doesn't think is thaat great. *big gasp of air* Err, i was just trying something new out, please tell me what you think.
Innocence and Forgotten -------------------------------------------
Run across a field of daisies
as I catch snowflakes in my mouth.
We held hands before jumping
the puddle soaking pants and sleeves.
Reading the Wizard of Oz
laughing at the sad parts.
We cuddled with the kittens
slept with the dogs.
We went though that part of life
that set us up for life.
Let go as they laughed
and wondered away from the other.
Black hearts bleed
sending us into the grave.
Children laugh
as they race by, yet again.
Must have been a Spring snow if you were catching snowflakes while the Daisys were in bloom. But it really is a nice image, the whole poem leaves good thoughts to mind. All in all I think it is a sweet poem. !Doc`
I liked the contradicting imagery myself, but soem parts like when you repeat life at the end of two lines you can get rid of the one. I just thing you can do a little criticing, but all in all I got the main point which is the purpose of a poem, no?
Contradictions....... what a interresting game you play...... The contradiction in this poem we're really appropriate. You know Aki, you might not believe it, but I think that's one of your best poems. Well, I got to say I'm an addept of this kind of poetry... Anyway, keep up the good work.
sometimes we may write something we think is very crappy and not worth a second glance but then why do we put it on this site we are hopeing that someone can relate to us and that someone has felt the same we look for acceptance kristen
Submission Name: Innocence and Forgotten
