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Dear Jane,                                    Dear Diary,

So you say this time                  James and I had a fight.
it’s really the end                       Not the typical one
last midnight walk                      That ends with our tears
under our balanced moon          Melding together,
tripping on time's hands             Forming a bond
slipping to sunup too soon         That binds our souls;
last giggle at my                         An inseparable fusion
weak-ass gags                           Serving to mend and hide
gagging on my jokes                  All at the same time,
me choking on lies you spoke     Bringing us together
Last endless wordless                In a flurry of fury
eye-to-eye conversation            That ends with
Last inside-out                            Such grace.
full body connection                   Oh, that look on his face
Perfection in a moment              Of inclusive contentment!
Pause, rewind                            I could stay
Stop, eject                                 In that moment
Insert, play                                Forever, and a day,
Stop, stay                                  Disregarding
I’ll watch that scene again         The seeping sunlight
But not today                            That creeps it away.

Not to worry,                            I was, after all
it’s better this way                    Trying to push him
No more double takes               Away from me,
when we contrast                     To free him
in public                                     Of the weight
Contract, expand                     My world
Expose our secrets                   Attaches to his.
Secrete our difference              He deserves better
Defer our reverence                 Than constant
No more degrading glances       Confusion,
Intolerant stances                     This steady diet,
Standing in the way                   Consistent infusion
of propitious dances                  Of hate that I feed him.
Suspicious leers                         But oh, how I need him
Leary ears                                 To know that
hearing fears                             This hatred
from your frightened family       My family expresses
No more “nigger this,                 Is meant to protect me.
nigger that“,                              Blindly they disregard
“If he hurts you                         His feelings.
I’ll kick his                                   For they don’t see
nigger ass”                                The wonder he brings me,
No “lower your voice,                The sweet tenderness
he’s in the next room”               I feel in his arms.
Like a sonic boom                      Those strong eyes
An ironic broom                         Intertwine with mine,
Sweeping our dreams               Telling me stories,
Under the carpet                       Unspoken dreams,
A rug that lays lying                  Now quickly fading,
Hiding a dying floor                    Or so it seems.

I’m glad it’s over                        When his eyes close,
I can’t take this no more             My world sleeps.

The things you said tonight       So tonight I felt compelled,
will burn inside me                      Even obligated,
Like this charred skin                 To put an end to it.
That divides and hides me         A selfless execution,
From you, but soon                   A mercy killing,
It will melt away                         But now I fear
In the flames                              It to be a homicide
of hell, where I’ll                        And a suicide.
Wait for you                               For deep inside
Hate for you                               My will has died.
So you won’t have to                 In the past
Half of us removed                    Whenever I’ve said
From the whole                          Awful things
Leaves a new you                      He’d get so angry,
Free of shame                            His face full of rage.
Freeing you of                            But tonight
Name-calling games                    When I told him
That make you feel the same     That I could no longer
As me                                          Be his woman,
This unfeeling feeling                 That he wasn’t capable
That left me kneeling                  Of filling my needs,
I told you I loved you                 He dropped to his knees,
Words left unspoken                   Pleaded and cried
Since the broken day                  Then softly, he touched me
They put my mother away          And told me
You ignored it                              He loved me.
As if such ignorance                    I choked back tears
Could make it unhappen              And bravely ignored it.
Unbe, unfasten                           I told the man
Unlatch, detach                          That taught me love,
O, good God Almighty                That schooled me
We are free                                On feel, so matter-of-factly
At last                                         Goodbye.

I know you buy into                    I left him there
the gansta shit they sell you      Alone in a place
but you should know me             Where loneliness
better than that                          Kills all nerves
What did I tell you?                     And eats all compassion.
Yeah, I got a gun                        Now I realize
So what? who cares?                  That I’m not so strong.
You got a teddy bear                  I recognize
So what’s the difference?           My intentions were wrong.
‘Cept yours you can cuddle         For Love is a force
Mine is muddled in                       That rules over
Indifference                                All others,
Yours is warm                              Of race and time
Mine is cold                                  And pain and lies
Mine you pull                               Tears and fears
Yours you hold                            Generations of years.
Both chase away                        So who am I
The demons that haunt us         To decide
Intruders that flaunt                  That I can control
How they easily taunt us            The fate of this Love?
Our one shared truth                  I must now find a way
Is that we are so different         To bring together

Two worlds                                  Two worlds
too distant                                   Too in need
to bridge                                      To ever
for too long                                  Disengage.



I don’t know if you really meant it this time
                            Surely he knows I could never let go.
But for me I’ve discovered by digging inside
                            He must understand that I love him so.
There ain’t no way to come back from this shit
                            I thought I’d spare him, but he must know,

It’s permanent                We’re forever
Forever                           Connected,
Final                                Infinitely
Like this bullet                 Merged
In my head                     In my womb.