Dear Jane, Dear Diary,
So you say this time James and I had a fight.
it’s really the end Not the typical one
last midnight walk That ends with our tears
under our balanced moon Melding together,
tripping on time's hands Forming a bond
slipping to sunup too soon That binds our souls;
last giggle at my An inseparable fusion
weak-ass gags Serving to mend and hide
gagging on my jokes All at the same time,
me choking on lies you spoke Bringing us together
Last endless wordless In a flurry of fury
eye-to-eye conversation That ends with
Last inside-out Such grace.
full body connection Oh, that look on his face
Perfection in a moment Of inclusive contentment!
Pause, rewind I could stay
Stop, eject In that moment
Insert, play Forever, and a day,
Stop, stay Disregarding
I’ll watch that scene again The seeping sunlight
But not today That creeps it away.
Not to worry, I was, after all
it’s better this way Trying to push him
No more double takes Away from me,
when we contrast To free him
in public Of the weight
Contract, expand My world
Expose our secrets Attaches to his.
Secrete our difference He deserves better
Defer our reverence Than constant
No more degrading glances Confusion,
Intolerant stances This steady diet,
Standing in the way Consistent infusion
of propitious dances Of hate that I feed him.
Suspicious leers But oh, how I need him
Leary ears To know that
hearing fears This hatred
from your frightened family My family expresses
No more “nigger this, Is meant to protect me.
nigger that“, Blindly they disregard
“If he hurts you His feelings.
I’ll kick his For they don’t see
nigger ass” The wonder he brings me,
No “lower your voice, The sweet tenderness
he’s in the next room” I feel in his arms.
Like a sonic boom Those strong eyes
An ironic broom Intertwine with mine,
Sweeping our dreams Telling me stories,
Under the carpet Unspoken dreams,
A rug that lays lying Now quickly fading,
Hiding a dying floor Or so it seems.
I’m glad it’s over When his eyes close,
I can’t take this no more My world sleeps.
The things you said tonight So tonight I felt compelled,
will burn inside me Even obligated,
Like this charred skin To put an end to it.
That divides and hides me A selfless execution,
From you, but soon A mercy killing,
It will melt away But now I fear
In the flames It to be a homicide
of hell, where I’ll And a suicide.
Wait for you For deep inside
Hate for you My will has died.
So you won’t have to In the past
Half of us removed Whenever I’ve said
From the whole Awful things
Leaves a new you He’d get so angry,
Free of shame His face full of rage.
Freeing you of But tonight
Name-calling games When I told him
That make you feel the same That I could no longer
As me Be his woman,
This unfeeling feeling That he wasn’t capable
That left me kneeling Of filling my needs,
I told you I loved you He dropped to his knees,
Words left unspoken Pleaded and cried
Since the broken day Then softly, he touched me
They put my mother away And told me
You ignored it He loved me.
As if such ignorance I choked back tears
Could make it unhappen And bravely ignored it.
Unbe, unfasten I told the man
Unlatch, detach That taught me love,
O, good God Almighty That schooled me
We are free On feel, so matter-of-factly
At last Goodbye.
I know you buy into I left him there
the gansta shit they sell you Alone in a place
but you should know me Where loneliness
better than that Kills all nerves
What did I tell you? And eats all compassion.
Yeah, I got a gun Now I realize
So what? who cares? That I’m not so strong.
You got a teddy bear I recognize
So what’s the difference? My intentions were wrong.
‘Cept yours you can cuddle For Love is a force
Mine is muddled in That rules over
Indifference All others,
Yours is warm Of race and time
Mine is cold And pain and lies
Mine you pull Tears and fears
Yours you hold Generations of years.
Both chase away So who am I
The demons that haunt us To decide
Intruders that flaunt That I can control
How they easily taunt us The fate of this Love?
Our one shared truth I must now find a way
Is that we are so different To bring together
Two worlds Two worlds
too distant Too in need
to bridge To ever
for too long Disengage.
I don’t know if you really meant it this time
Surely he knows I could never let go.
But for me I’ve discovered by digging inside
He must understand that I love him so.
There ain’t no way to come back from this shit
I thought I’d spare him, but he must know,
It’s permanent We’re forever
Like this bullet Merged
In my head In my womb.