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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Girls In The Hallwaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WolfStar
    ASL Info:    18/F/New York City
    Elite Ratio:    7.36 - 116/112/37
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 508
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1577



    Description:
       Keep in mind whe you read this that I tried to do a few challenging things as far as where I'm coming from with this piece. It's not perfect, but... Maybe with some help it will be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Girls In The Hallwaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    An aura of glowing sunlight seems to hover
    around where they stand laughing
    in the hallway
    as bubblegum sighs are released
    from between thin glossy lips.

    They are displaced from the world
    like projections of light that don’t quite possess
    the solid imperfection of life, armed as they are
    with the enchanting pink fingers,
    the charming little barrettes
    that tame stray wisps of feathery hair.

    Women in trapped in girl's clothing,
    unable to divorce from
    the white little shirt
    that shapes the small breasts, or
    the starchy pleated skirts
    that expose soft, chubby thighs
    whose baby flesh glows in the dark,
    catching the lingering eye.

    There is no reprieve
    for the men who follow in flocks,
    drawn to the lithe, hairless arms
    captivated by the blush
    of bare curving legs:
    the age for the sapling to be captured
    just before the first flower blooms,
    the frozen instant in which
    girls are women
    without the hard eyes
    of tearful years
    and women are girls
    without the shame of infancy.

    The child-goddesses gaze at the world
    between smoky mascara lashes
    and blue-tinted eyes,
    with white socks pure from sin
    below the provocative pink skirt
    that creeps upward
    at a snail’s agonizing pace…
    until the moment passes
    and the candy laughter is gone.




    Submitted on 2005-05-24 23:42:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Its all too terrible to think about, but happens all too often. Young girls don't realize the consequences in their actions. Men on the other hand, sometimes don't either. I think that in this society, we as a whole, are teaching our children that sexuality comes from dressing inapproprietly. Take for instance, Paris Hilton, who I am really sick and tired of hearing from. That is no role model.
    Also, I can't count the times that I have seen a girl who looks quite a bit older that she is. My niece for one. What men must remember, these are still children, they are someones daughter, sister. Anyway, I think that this gives a lot of insight. You seem to have a keen eye into what is happening around you. You pay attention, and that is a very good thing. It was a wonderful read, and it gives the message, this is the way our world is. It's dangerous to us and our children. You showed a glimpse of one of the things most people don't like to envision, their child in this situation. Keep that open eye. You are very smart and very insightful for one so young. This was great.
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      You capture the nature of some teenage girls very well inyour poem. Teenagers have to experiment with their own sexuality and it is given to young girls to have power over men and some are always trying to exercise that power, sometimes with dangerous consequences. If any man ever feels tempted by jailbait, I suggest he try being a teacher of 14 year old girls for a while and intimacy with their minds will certainly give any normal male a lifelong aversion for young ladies of this type.
    Yours is a skilfully constructed poem that is not essentially abiout yourself but others as you obseve them. You show a poet's eye and a poet's choice of words. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      You definately have an uncanny understanding of this subject for being so youthful. It breaks my heart! From life, you've taken dark emotions and placed them them on paper in a fashion unbelieveably torturous to me. Like my poem, "Yellow Leaves," innocece is stripped away and replaced with a sinister, and seemingly unfillable empty void of anger, hate, and a desire to cast corruption upon the loving side of human nature. I truly had to read and re-read this... as such I was at a lost for words and crushed! I wish this piece upon no innocent boy or girl, man or woman... NO ONE! Although, the harsh reality of life is what lies in some human hearts... I pray for better days and thoughts for you and yours... the world. You have mastered, in my opinion, this trait in society... its degradation and malice. Now that I think, "Yellow Leaves" has nothing on this piece. I cheers your piece but cast a prayer over to you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by Isaac | [ Reply to This ]
      And I could not have agreed with you more.

    Although there has been some argument and an attempt to reinforce opinions…I believe that the use of “seems” within the first paragraph is essential to the subjective fashion in which this piece has been executed. I doubt that its use was a measurement for indecisiveness and uncertainty. It is strong, and emphasises a certain “almost-never”, regarding the environment, surrounding its placement and significance. There is an exceptional balance between imagery and content. “As bubblegum sighs are released from between thin glossy lips.”
    Despite appealing aesthetics, an imperfect interior becomes quietly disclosed, “displaced from the world
    like projections of light that don’t quite possess the solid imperfection of life”. That line reminds me of plastic flowers… they have no scent, thus they exploit their exterior to compensate for their lacking purpose to simply exist.
    Articulate, to say the least.
    “and women are girls
    without the shame of infancy.” – your point is clear and strong.
    “with white socks pure from sin”. It is sad, yet a reality.
    Thank you for sharing, I will surely not forget this piece.
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Romanticist | [ Reply to This ]
      hey nina,
    i read this piece quite a while ago to tell the truth, but anyways, I just wanted to tell you how much I liked this piece, and was impressed by what you said in these lines right here.
    this is a theme that I have thought many times about adressing myself, but voila you got there before I did, and I was satisfied with the way you put things.
    You are an amazing writer to be able to put things the way you put in this poem, through the whole gender switching thing. The adjectives used to were very appropriate considering the loss of innocence that rolls through this piece like a giant wrecking ball. Quite impressed...and I wanted you to hear my two cents.
    piece/peace out,
    jc prescott
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]



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