Description: Ok this might seem really odd. I guess I just wanted to see how much I could ryhme one word and see if I could make an entire poem out of it. So this is what I got from my attempts. (I am aware that one or two are repeated.) It sort of starts and ends with completely different thoughts, but that's just how it happened. I guess it's about me screwing up again, and regretting it, as it kills me. Let me know what you think.
Let This Be My Last Mistake -------------------------------------------
Maybe it was in fact a bad decision to make
As I was getting caught in yet another mistake
Wandering just how much more of it I can take
How many times will I let my heart break?
How long will this wilted soul of mine ache?
The world's asleep, I'm wide awake
They all stare, as I burn at the stake
I can feel every inch of my body shake
Angry because they're all so fake
Spinning out of control, foot off the break
Why can't I have the icing AND the cake?
I didn't see the stupid snake
And I stepped to close to the edge of the lake
So if I shall die before I wake
I beg of one last wish to make
Oh, for God's sake
Let this be my last mistake.
honestly, i think alot of the rhyming lines were very forced and that's probably why you came up with two different thoughts at the beginning and end. i don't know, it was all over the place at one point with random but vivid images, but i personally liked that because i do the exact same thing. the fact that the world sucks and that everybody's out to get you is common, don't feel like you're the only one.lol.~nahlij
al righty i thought it ewas good rhyme was good but you could have spaced it differently to flow beter like this maybe:
Maybe it was in fact/ a bad decision to make As I was getting caught/ in yet another mistake Wandering just how/ much more of it I can take How many times will/ I let my heart break? How long will this/ wilted soul of mine ache? The world's asleep/ I'm wide awake They all stare/ as I burn at the stake I can feel every inch/ of my body shake Angry because/ they're all so fake Spinning out of control/ foot off the break Why can't I have the icing AND the cake?/ I didn't see the stupid snake And I stepped to close to the edge of the lake So if I shall die before I wake I beg of one last wish to make Oh for God's sake Let this be my last mistake.
now you dont have to change it this is just my opinion but the spacing will make it more dramatic, and its harder to get lost, cuz i was having a hard time keepin on the right line while i was reading
mistakes are things that happen they cant be prevented we were all put here to learn and the only way to learn is from our mistakes. Its okay to make a mistake even the same mistake twice or three times as long as you learn something from it. Your honesty is rare and i like that its something that isnt shown to much, keep up the good work just remember mistakes are always fun. LOL
Submission Name: Let This Be My Last Mistake
